don't do that.

Hey, lab assistant. Do me a favor. Don't dig around in my arm with a needle. If you "aren't sure" the vein is there, don't poke me hoping something will happen, and then literally dig around with the needle. Do you KNOW how much that hurts?

I had to have some blood drawn today. The midwife wants to have my thyroid checked. I guess the Urgent Care doctor may not have been so wrong. Remember the obsession with my thyroid?

Well, it's SLIGHTLY high. As in, normal would be 12 and mine was at 12.75. Don't ask me what any of that means. In dumb translation, they can give me some medication to balance it out, and as a result my metabolism will speed up, I'll feel better and have more energy, and probably lose weight. Heck yes. Would have been nice if they had done this years ago. I may never have had to graduate to double digit sizes. So, we will see. I'm hoping for something. Anything to improve me and my quest for hotness. Pregnant or not.

Also, stop commenting on my sleep or lack of. Sometimes I complain about how I'm not sleeping well. People respond with, "Better get used to it!" or, "Enjoy the sleep you do get, because that won't last long!" Or sometimes, "You better sleep now because once that baby gets here...." Why? Do babies not sleep?! Next you'll be telling me that they poop too! OMG!! Whatever, sleep is for ugly people. That's what I'd like to say, but I don't.

Here's another thing you shouldn't do. Don't comment on a pregnant woman's size (large or small) unless you know for a FACT that she won't take it the wrong way. This pretty much eliminates your permission to do this unless it's your BFF or yourself. Get it? That being said, I want to share some wonderfully funny things that I found on another blog, pregnantchicken.com. Also the place that I lifted some funny pregnancy photos from not too long ago.

Don't say these things unless you will enjoy the following responses.

"You're huge!"

• I know!! It's like I'm growing a whole baby or something!
• Holy crap, you too!
• I don't know why either, all I consume these days is cocaine and Diet Sprite. Weird, huh?

"Don't you know what causes that?"

• Public pools, right?
• Yes, having sex.
• Why are you asking? Can't you remember?

"How many more babies are you going to have?"

• It depends on how many we sell.
• We plan to keep going until we have an ugly one.
  

"You're not going to find out the sex? But don't you want to know? It would... drive me crazy!"

• It wouldn't matter anyway because we're naming it Thermos the Third whether it's a boy OR a girl.
• I'm kind of hoping it's neither and it's just gas.
  

‎"Should you be eating that?"

• No, I should be eating lots of it.
  

"Feeling fat yet?"

• Whoa, I was just going to ask you the same thing. How weird is that?!

“You still haven’t had that baby yet?”

• I'm trying to hold it in so I can finish a novel I'm working on.
• Oh, I had it, I just left it in the car today.
• Don’t worry; you will know when your husband starts paying child support.

"Was this an accident?"

• Were you?
• Yes! I tripped and fell on a weiner.
  

"You're so small!"

• A really heavy person said that to me yesterday too. I guess it's all relative.

And on another note, this girl had some good things to say regarding miscarriage. As someone who has lost a baby (not too long ago either), I can totally relate. Don't say these things to someone if they miscarried. I mean seriously, what is the matter with people? You think you're helping and you're not.

It wasn't meant to be. It doesn't cut it when they are out of your shoe size and it sure doesn't cut it when you've lost a baby.

It was God's plan. Some people find comfort in this statement. I, despite being a church going lady, do not. Why? Because it's not fricken in God's plan for people to lose people they love, least of all babies who never got a chance to live. It's not God's plan. It was never God's plan.

You can have more. Thanks, that helps a lot. Like when you go to Culver's and they only give you half of an order of cheese curds even though you ordered a whole order. You can get more. Because that's the same kind of thing, you know.

It was probably from all your _______ (stress, jumping, eating, breathing, etc). More than one person actually said this to me, in different ways. One person said something along the lines of, "You should have been resting more!!" Yes, because that's why I lost my baby. I wasn't sleeping/resting enough, despite the fact that I was sleeping all the time. You see, you are right. I was actually playing ice hockey and rugby and participating in competitive rock wall climbing. Anyone who blames you for losing your baby deserves a swift kick in the tooth.

At least you have your other children. Okay. Don't worry about the fact that your ear just fell off. You have another one.

This isn't bad, so-and-so had three miscarriages. Yes, correct. The fact that so-and-so had this happen to her more than once reminds me that I shouldn't feel bad that it happened to me. I'm not allowed to be sad, I feel much better now! Thank you!

At least you weren't that far along. If I won the lottery, I would have it mentally spent in about 20 minutes. These couples have had weeks, if not months, to think about a baby that isn't going to happen now. Saying something like that is just undermining their loss.

And finally, one more thing (on a much lighter note). Don't tell me that I'm not going to win the lottery. No, in fact - DO tell me that. Because the more you tell me that, the more regret and embarrassment you will feel when I finally do win the Powerball and don't buy you anything.

HA!

I promise...

I promise not to become a mom who wears mom jeans.

I promise not to get a mom haircut.

I promise not to drive a minivan (sorry, I know a lot of you like those, but I don't).

I promise not to show every person in the world pictures of my kid unless they express interest in wanting to see them.

I promise not to update my Facebook status with every single little thing my kid does. I realize that no matter how excited I am, nobody is going to care that my baby rolled over, made a weird noise, or peed in the toilet. Nobody will care except for my close friends and family. I promise to remember that.

I promise to not allow my kid to make a huge mess in a restaurant and think it's cute and not try to clean it up.

I promise to leave the grocery store if my child won't stop screaming.

I promise not to leave dried food or snot on my kid's face.

I promise to change my clothes before I go shopping if it so happens that my kid spit up or drooled all over me.

I realize that these are things that people forget about...but they're all things that gross me out. I don't want to do these things. So, that being said, I promise not to.

Monday

No work today. I love federal holidays when I can get paid to stay home.

Or in my case, go shopping.

Something is wrong with my hair. I had my stylist (and good buddy) thin it out and make it look nice on Friday. She used different products in it. Now, despite washing it multiple times, the roots at the crown of my head remain sticky/oily, and it's really upsetting me. I've even tried using dish soap to get it out (whatever it is) and nothing works. I don't know what to do. So, I backcombed it today (after washing and drying it again) and used a bunch of hair spray so that it doesn't look like a grease puddle. Now, I just look like someone from Jersey Shore. Sick.

I went to Target in hopes of finding something to fix it. I really didn't feel like going to the salon just yet. I found some Neutrogena anti-buildup shampoo. It's supposed to strip your hair of any product buildup. It's a bit harsh so you can only use it once a week at most. I'm hoping this does the trick. I'm just happy I found it. If this doesn't work, I'll go back to the salon and ask for help. Or, I'll see what kind of de-greaser my dad has in the garage. I did email Emily so hopefully she gets back to me with a solution.

On a side note, I drove myself to Target. Husband had to attend a funeral today for a family friend. I couldn't go. I just don't feel very good. The nausea came back this morning. No fun. I'm feeling a bit better. And, I'm proud that I drove the car today. I've been sort of terrified of driving lately.

So I went to Target...got some shampoo....and also picked up some comfy maternity clothes. I also found the water bottle I originally wanted to get. Now I can leave the manly jug at home and take the pretty purple bottle to work. Hooray!

I also went to The Coffee Grounds and got another white hot chocolate. Despite the fact that my friend thinks it tastes like puke in a cup, it really doesn't taste like that to me. I am convinced that they just made hers wrong.

I'm going to my boss's house this afternoon to bake cookies. I'm lucky to work with someone who I love so much. I don't know how this happened. Most people avoid their bosses both at work and outside of work. Not me.

Also, there is chili in the crockpot for supper. But I can't take credit for that. My husband cooks, too. :)

from frogger to beebee

Kermit caused a ruckus. Kermit would not let us hear his/her heartbeat today with the doppler at our appointment with the midwife. I was becoming upset, but I didn't show it. I prayed and prayed, "Please?" Still couldn't find it. The midwife said not to worry, that it happens a lot this early. I'm just over 12 weeks. Plus, I'm chubby. Don't hate. But it all worked out, because she snuck me in for a quick tummy ultrasound. The ultrasound lady was nice enough to quickly do a scan while on her lunch break. It was like a covert operation. I got a picture of my beebee, didn't have to pay for it, and got to hear the heartbeat. 158 beats per minute by the way. :)


Now, for those who don't know what they are looking at, this might help.

nothing really.

When people talk about a certain food, all of a sudden I want it.

How is it I can have a ton of money in the bank and then it's all gone after bills are paid??

I'm out of yogurt. And granola.

I am hungry.

All I do lately is talk about food. I hope this isn't going to be a trend.

I haven't taken pictures in a while. Of, well, anything. Because it's too cold to go outside. I can't believe I live here. These conditions aren't fit for humans. If you have to wear a fur hat to be warm, then really, you should have fur ON you as part of your body...which means you should be some sort of fur bearing animal to live here. I am not one of those creatures. I belong in the sun.

Tomorrow is Friday, thus a super half day. AND, I get to go and listen to my kid's heartbeat again. Yay!

My cat likes to lay on my stomach all the time. I think it's cute.

You should see Pineapple Plant. He is growing wonderfully by the base board heater.

I ate a corn muffin today. I also ate leftover quesadillas. With a plastic knife, because I was at work and forgot to bring a fork.

I have nothing interesting to say.

these things

I was thinking today.....there are a lot of things I want to eat or drink that I can't eat or drink right now. As soon as I'm able to, you better understand that nothing will come between me and a plate of sushi (among other things).

I'm upset that I can't have sushi. Seriously, it's just stupid. What do people in Japan do then? There are pregnant women in Japan and sushi is a huge diet staple over there. I am willing to bet you any amount of money that Japanese pregnant women eat sushi ALL THE TIME!!!!

The same goes for European women and unpasteurized cheese. I'm positive that French women eat things like Brie and goat cheese. I don't think that it's fair that I can't have it. That, along with bleu cheese. I can't have hot wings with bleu cheese dressing and that's fricken unfair.

And alcohol? It's not even beer or wine or vodka that I want. All I want is a mudslide with Bailey's and Kahlua. And I can't have it, and there are no substitutes. Sucks.

Same goes for raw cookie dough. HOMEMADE raw cookie dough. I can't fricken have that either. Or sunny-side-up or over-easy eggs. Breakfast is no fun anymore.

Summer sausage? Or how about a great deli meat sandwich? Forget it. Sadness prevails.

And don't even get me started on coffee. I know that a lot of pregnant women have caffeine, but I can't bring myself to do it. Which means I haven't had a good cup of coffee in three months now. For someone who used to work at Starbucks, this is a difficult thing. I know that many times decaf tastes the same, but it doesn't make me feel the same.

I can't take my Adderall either, so I can't think.

Cold chicken? Or any type of cold meat for that matter? Nope. Aside from deli meat, I can't have any type of cold salad with meat in it. It's not fair.

I find it hard to believe that babies will be born without limbs or ears or something in the event that I eat forbidden food. But I'm not willing to risk it. There are so many no-nos out there and it has been ingrained in my mind so I cannot possibly enjoy life if I were to eat these things while pregnant. It is hard to enjoy life sometimes without eating them too though.

My cravings are definitely pregnancy related. Why else would I be eating barbecue meat?? I can't wait until things get back to normal and I can go back to being a vegetarian. I'm like Phoebe, from friends.

And since Youtube is stupid and won't give me an embed code, I urge you to click on this link so you can understand what I am going through.

Phoebe craves meat, and so do I.

cast your votes for parent of the year.

I got this in an email. Terrible.