Miscarriage

I thought about going back and deleting everything, but that wouldn't necessarily change anything anyway. I did that on Facebook...deleted all of the pictures of the ultrasound and as many of the comments and status updates related to my pregnancy.

I lost my baby this morning. I woke up this morning and had what appeared to be my period. I knew that's not what it was, for obvious reasons. I was feeling weird last week - had some brown spotting, so I called my clinic and had them do an ultrasound. They saw the heartbeat. They said it looked normal, except that the baby didn't appear to be the size it should have been based on how far along I was. I didn't think too much of it though since the doctor didn't seem too alarmed. I saw the heart beating and figured that was a good sign. They had me in and out in 20 minutes. Then today happened. And, this is gross - while I was on the phone with the clinic and my midwife getting an appointment set up to come in and have them look at me, it just came out. The whole thing. It just....came out. Fully intact, still in the little amniotic sac. Completely together, like it was just fine, sleeping in this bubble.

I went to the clinic. I took it with me. What else was I supposed to do with it? It was clearly a baby. You could see everything the way it was supposed to look, only the entire thing (sac and all) was about the size of a grape. It wasn't even as big as it should have been for being 8 weeks and 2 days along.

Everything has been confirmed. They don't know why the baby died. A battery of blood work on me showed that nothing was out of the ordinary. They say it happens a lot. I just don't know why it happened to me.

We were so excited. I felt as though I had already bonded with it, even though it wasn't much. We had names picked out. We were starting to put the nursery together. We were planning ahead, for the rest of our lives. And now we're back to square one. It's okay though. My husband and I have each other and we have a wonderful relationship. And we'll grow from this. There is nothing that I did to cause this to happen and there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. In a few months maybe we'll get pregnant again. Until then, I'm just going to try and come to terms with things and move forward as best I can.