Identity theft

Maybe that's not what it is. But when someone lifts your debit card information and then jacks $500 from your bank account, it's some sort of theft.

So, to whoever did that to us.... I hope something happens to you.

• I hope you get hit by a bus.
• I hope that when you spend that money at that night club, that someone slips a mickey into your drink and then sodomizes you in your sleep and steals your shoes.
• I hope that you choke on your expensive dinner and die.
• I hope you get herpes from the hooker you are spending the money on.

I'm going to go and take a cold shower, because I feel incredibly violated now.

You're an asshole.

Nursery!

It's pretty much all done. Just have to hang up her curtains. Being home on modified bed rest has at least allowed me to somewhat participate in getting her nursery done. Husband did most of the work and my mom and dad came over this past weekend to help finish up. I just sat there and told everyone where I wanted stuff and it worked out nicely. It's so cute. Here are some pictures.


I've been feeling alright yesterday. I went against protocol yesterday and was gone for majority of the day. We went to visit Husband's parents and then went to my coworker's farm (where I'm also a CSA member) because I heard she had cute baby pigs and I wanted to see them. It was a really hot day and I spent way too much time not laying down. I started to feel pretty nauseous by the end of the day and was having awful "practice" contractions. I had to go home and I went straight to bed. Today is much better, probably because I've been off of my feet and it's breezy and cool outside.

I set up appointments to tour some daycare facilities in the area. It kills me that I'm going to have to put Sofie in daycare, but I have no choice. I can't quit my job and both Husband and I are working full time. I just have to get over it. I'm sure it will all work out and wherever we end up having her go will be a nice place with nice people to take good care of her. People put their kids in daycare all the time and as long as the parents are actively involved and keeping up on things, it all turns out just fine. I'm sure our situation won't be any different.

That's all for right now. I'm not feeling well - so I guess I'll get back to my bed where I spend 90% of my time. :)

Yay, farmer's market!

This blog today is going to have links galore. Because I'm lazy. And I like the link function.

I want ice cream. I need to go and eat some. Yes, it's early, but if bars in this area can open at 6:00am, then then what's so wrong with having ice cream for breakfast? Ice cream for breakfast is way more healthy than beer. Especially when you're pregnant. Ice cream has protein and calcium and other things.

My co-worker Judy is a gem. I love her and love that she has a farm and love that I get to participate in CSA at her farm and get yummy things once a week all summer long! She has a booth at the farmer's market this summer, so it makes it even easier with me being on modified bed rest. I can sneak away for a short while and go downtown every Saturday morning and pick up my CSA box rather than drive once a week to her farm which is way out of town.

What is CSA? Read about it here. I'm too lazy to copy and paste or explain it for myself.

Last week we got rhubarb, chives, green onions, lettuce, pickled green beans, and mint. It's still early in the season so we didn't get a lot, but I thought it was still a lot. We also picked up some organic strawberries, so I made a yummy rhubarb strawberry pie that weekend.

I'm super excited to see what we get today. As soon as Husband gets up. I don't know why I always wake up before him because I tend to fall asleep AFTER him.

I had nightmares all night last night which is part of the reason I've been up for a while. Maybe because I ate Mexican food for dinner. Who knows. I know I'll be taking a nap later though because I didn't sleep well at all. At least the baby was bouncing around this morning. That cheered me up a bit. And then I realized what day it was and I got even happier. Yay! Being home and not working at all makes it so I don't even know what day it is anymore. Every day is the same pretty much. I'm starting to get used to it. I just don't want to get too comfortable because that will make getting back into a routine even more difficult once I have to go back to work in September.

I just realized that I'm pretty much off for the entire summer. Just like when I was a kid in school. Sort of anyway. Okay, the only similarity is that I'm not in school or working. Other than that, it's nothing like being a kid on summer vacation.

July 4th is coming up! Did I ever mention that it's my favorite holiday? At least, it has been my whole life. Mainly because we'd spend every single July 4th weekend at the lake, boating and swimming and grilling and doing all kinds of fun things. Last summer was the first summer we didn't do that since my grandparents died and we had to sell the property. It didn't really sink in but I think this year it might; however, on the bright side, I'm not sad like I thought I'd be. I'm pretty preoccupied with the baby coming, I'm excited that I have two wonderful families to spend time with, and I can't think of any reason to be disappointed. Plus, Sofie will be at 37 weeks right around the holiday, which for all intents and purposes is considered full term, so maybe she'll grace us with her presence and we'll have a firecracker baby. Won't get my hopes up, but it would sure be nice. :)

Lies!! And baby things.

I think yesterday was false labor. My uterus is lying to me.

I've been doing some reading up on it, but I don't know for sure because what I had doesn't totally fit. It says in order for it to be considered false labor, the contractions have to be irregular in length and frequency. Mine weren't. Mine were very regular in length and frequency. But the fact that they didn't get stronger over time and ended (I think they ended...but I couldn't really tell I was having them in the first place so....) tells me that it was just false labor. Well, and the fact that I didn't have a baby today. I woke up with horrible cramping. That subsided a bit though. I don't know. I think I'll just not worry about it unless something major changes. I'll lay low today and help Husband get the nursery organized.

Husband put the dresser together last night. So today I will show him where to move the furniture (since I'm not allowed to help move furniture) and then we'll start putting all of Sofie's things away. We'll separate her clothes by sizes. We'll wash them. We'll fold them and put them in drawers. We'll hang her dresses. Oh! We need baby hangars! Maybe Husband will want to go to Target later. And maybe he can pick me up a treat. Like some chicken nuggets. :)

I find myself getting really excited when I think about the possibility of the baby getting here really soon! Either way, she'll be here in a month and I'm so excited. I can't wait to see her cute face and tickle her feet!! AHH!!!

Husband woke up at 4:00 this morning and sat up in bed. Then he stood up. I asked him what was wrong. He said he couldn't keep still. I was worried because he kept stretching his arm and I think I've seen too many medical shows where young guys wake up in the middle of the night with heart attack symptoms. He said no, it wasn't that at all.... but that he's just antsy because he can't stop being excited about the baby. I think that's adorable. I love him more every day. Seeing him get excited about being a father is heart wrenching, in a good way. And, it's kind of sexy. I don't know why. But it is. He seems to have the nesting instinct a lot more than I do for some reason. I think it's because I'm physically unable to do half of the things that need to be done and so he has adopted the urge to nest while I sit here and and tell him where to put things.

The nursery is coming along nicely. We got a lot done today. We currently have a load of her laundry in the washing machine. We separated it into three piles: pinks, whites, and darker colors. HAHAHA!!! There is SO much pink. I love it.

I am not going to take pictures until it's done. But once it's done, you will see it, and might love it as much as I do.

She wants out!

But she can't come yet. She needs to wait at least a week. And I think we can make it. I think we can make it longer than that provided I rest and stay hydrated. I hope anyway. Though I'm not going to blame myself if she comes early. Seems as though she is impatient just like me, her mom. I was never one who could handle waiting.

As a kid, I always had to find out what I was getting for Christmas. I'd always find the gifts. Then my parents got smart and hid them somewhere other than in our house. Then I got smart and went through their wallets and looked at the receipts.

In college, I couldn't wait for my grades like everyone else. I had to know what I got on my papers as soon as they were graded. My professors always complied. How could they not? I was standing outside their office. Back then I thought it made me look as though I was assertive and motivated and excited about my grades. Looking back, it was probably annoying to them.

I couldn't possibly wait to find out whether I was having a girl or a boy. I was mad when 13 weeks was too early to tell on the ultrasound. So when 19 weeks came along, I was super excited to find out. I wish I was one of those people who could just wait and be surprised, but it's not in my nature. It is who I am.

Apparently this baby can't wait either. She wants out now. I don't know why. She's not missing much. We'll be 36 weeks next week. I'd like her to wait until we are 37 weeks. I want her to be healthy. But she wants to come now. So thanks little girl, I'm back on bed rest to keep you in there. I have been really uncomfortable lately but nothing I can't handle. Figured it was normal. Even the occasional contraction, I felt was normal. But today on the monitor, it showed consistent contractions, 1 minute long, 2 minutes apart. Seriously? My midwife checked my cervix and I am around 2 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced. This can mean nothing though. People dilate and efface weeks before they go into labor. But with these contractions, things could progress quickly if it doesn't slow down. So I'm going to focus on resting, staying hydrated, and taking a nice warm bath in hopes that they slow down and go away. If it gets worse though and they start to become longer and more painful, I'm going to have to call the hospital and probably go in. They won't stop her either. We're late enough that we can handle it, but I don't want her to come yet. Husband hasn't put her dresser together yet. In fact, it hasn't even been delivered yet. And her nursery is in shambles.

**UPDATE**

The dresser is here. Husband is putting it together now. :)

It's going to be business as usual, with a bit more resting than I have been doing. I probably need to stay away from shopping trips and spending a lot of time on my feet. That's okay. So what else is new. I just got off the phone with a friend of mine and we think that a 4th of July baby would be great. That would put her right around 37 weeks which would be fine. And she'd have fireworks and a big party every year for her birthday!

A few other things going through my mind:

• Does this mean I have to stop having sex?
• I'm afraid to go poop now. I mean, if I didn't even know I was having these contractions, who's to say I won't be clueless when I'm in actual progressive labor? Super paranoid.
  
• I'm craving Starbucks like no tomorrow. But caffeine is now officially off limits. There's always decaf though...hmm....
• I have trouble with my bathtub. I can't get out of it when I sit in it. I'll be going to my parents house tonight to utilize their hot tub. Don't worry - my dad turned it down to 98 degrees so Sofie doesn't get cooked.
• Whenever she comes, I'm excited to have the baby. I'm excited to not have heartburn anymore. I'm excited to try being a vegetarian again. I'm excited to lose weight!!!! I'm excited to kiss her.
  
• But I will miss feeling her little kicks. Or big kicks, lately.

The past few days....

.....have gone by very slowly. I miss being at work mainly because it makes the time go by so much faster. The weeks tend to fly by when I'm busy with my caseload which has made my pregnancy go by faster. Plus, being at work, it was nice to know that I wasn't burning up my PTO. But, it is what it is and I'm okay with it. I do wish that the time would go by faster though. Seriously, I asked Husband today, "I get paid this Thursday, right?" He said, "No, you just got paid last Thursday." I get paid every other Thursday. So it has only been 4 days since payday and I feel like twice as much time has gone by. I also feel like it has been a while since I was last at work, when in reality, I was just there last week Wednesday to drop off my FMLA paperwork. I miss feeling productive. Work is the only thing that has made me feel productive since I'm pretty much useless when it comes to anything physical (so really, anything here at home like housework or whatever). Husband is such a wonderful guy though. Every time I bring this up he tells me to stop feeling so bad, because I am very productive. "You are helping Sofie grow, and that's more important than anything else right now. That is a lot of work!" He's right. I love him. I'm so lucky. Every time I turn around he is doing something to help me or make me feel good about myself. I'm so happy, for a million reasons, even though I can't work right now or do certain things that I want to do. For me, it's a good trade off, to be home and know that the baby is healthy.

It also hit me how exhausted this last stretch of pregnancy can make a person. I've heard it from my friends who have already had babies, but now I know what they are talking about. I told Husband today that I'm sort of glad that my midwife took me off of work. I'm allowed to go out for an hour or so a day and I find that even after any type of errand or outing, I'm just wrecked and need a nap. That's not to say I couldn't handle being at work right now. I'd make it work by being busy which would most likely distract me from realizing how tired I am - but I'm really grateful that I don't have to worry about it. I'm grateful that I don't have to fight to drag myself out of bed every day and be to work at 6am five days a week. It sounds exhausting. And I'm grateful that I'm allowed to nap whenever I feel that I need to. And I don't have to feel guilty about it. I'm someone who would never have requested to be taken off of work early. I had planned on working up until I went into labor. I still would have, too. So in a way I'm glad that I was taken off of work against my will. At this point, it is definitely better for me and for the baby. I'm sure that once I'm ready to go back, I'll be really happy to be going back. For now, it sure is nice to just spend time with Husband and rest when I need to. Part of me hopes the baby comes before he starts his job on July 11. Then he won't have to miss any work to be with me at the hospital, and he can also be home with me and Sofie for a bit. But at the same time, it's best for her to stay in my tummy for as long as possible. She'll come when she's ready! :)

Today the agenda included getting the oil changed in the car and getting the car washed. I decided to go along with Husband so I could get out of the house. After that was done, I wanted lunch, so we went to get something to eat at the mall so I could also try and find a cute shirt (I didn't find one). The small amount of walking was nice, but I was really tired after that. Husband wanted to stop at Target and find something for the changing table. I ended up waiting in the car. We also stopped at the pet store to pick up cat food for Monster, and I also waited in the car. As soon as we got home, I took off my clothes and laid in bed near the air conditioning. Seems to be pretty typical for me after I do anything.

My next appointment is this Wednesday. We'll get to do our birth plan and I will have a NST. So more on that later.

Oh! I had a bunch of rhubarb from the farmer's market along with a pint of strawberries. So Saturday night I made rhubarb cake and rhubarb pie. I couldn't decide which one I wanted, so I made both. I really wanted to blog it but I couldn't find our camera anywhere. I looked in only one spot though. I was too lazy to look further. I figured if I spent too much time trying to find the camera, I'd use up my energy and not want to bake anything. So I have no pictures, but I will give you the recipes. I promise, if you like rhubarb, you'll really like these both. Cake recipe is from my Nana. :)

Rhubarb Cake

1 box yellow cake mix
3 cups rhubarb, chopped into half-inch pieces
1 cup of sugar
1 big tub Cool Whip

Pre-heat the oven to 350 F (or whatever it says on the box). In a bowl, mix rhubarb with sugar and set aside. In another bowl, prepare the cake mix as directed on the box. Pour into a 9x13 inch pan. Spread rhubarb mixture over cake and cover evenly. Cover the entire thing with the tub of Cool Whip. I know this seems weird, but trust me, it's going to be really good!! Bake uncovered for around 10-20 minutes longer than it says on the box. If you check the cake and see that it's really liquidy in the middle, keep in the oven and check every 10 minutes until you see it stop jiggling.

Let cool on the counter to room temperature and then store it in the fridge. Serve it with whipped cream. You can eat this warm right away or cold from the fridge. It's good both ways. Some people flip the cake over onto a platter, like a pineapple upside-down cake. If you do that though, treat it like a pineapple upside-down cake and wait until it's slightly cool and run a knife around the edge of the pan first so it doesn't fall apart and ruin your life. The rhubarb sinks to the bottom of the cake after baking and makes a yummy custardy caramelly texture and I could seriously eat the entire pan.

Rhubarb-Strawberry Pie

Pastry for double crust pie
3 cups chopped rhubarb*
2 cups chopped strawberries*
1 1/4 cups sugar
3 T flour or cornstarch
1/4 tsp nutmeg
dash of salt
1 T butter

1 egg white, lightly beaten
**Sanding sugar

*try to make the rhubarb and strawberry pieces around the same size

Preheat the oven to 350 F.

In a large bowl, toss together the chopped rhubarb, strawberries, sugar, cornstarch (or flour), salt and nutmeg so that the fruit is all coated. Set aside and let stand for around 15 minutes.

Roll out pastry dough (or unroll the store-bought dough if you were like me and too lazy to make your own). Line your deep dish pie plate with the bottom crust. Pour fruit mixture into the crust. Dot with butter. Brush egg white on the edges of the crust. Place the top crust on the pie and seal the edges together with the bottom crust. Flute the edges and cut slits in the top of the crust for air vents.

**If you want, brush the top crust with egg white and dust with sanding sugar (it looks pretty after you bake it). This is totally optional! :)

Bake for an hour. Store in the fridge after cooling.

I wish I had taken pictures. Oh well.

Bed rest, baby, and me.

I had an ultrasound and an appointment today. It went well. Look at her chubby cheeks! She's 34 weeks along today and is measuring in the 58% percentile. Good baby! So that makes me feel better and it's good to know that she's right on track still despite the fact that I am measuring ahead. Her heartbeat was 147. It has stayed in the 140s the whole time. She wouldn't cooperate to get a 3D picture of her face, but that's fine. The 2D was surprisingly decent and she doesn't look like an alien anymore! Cute baby.

For the time being, I have been taken off of full bed rest. I am still on limited activity though. I have to lay down for at least an hour in the morning and afternoon and have to get at 8-10 hours of sleep each night. I'm allowed to go out and do things but have to limit any errands or shopping trips to an hour a day. I can do things around the house, but have to keep it really light. I can't vacuum or anything like that. So Husband can continue doing that stuff. He's so good.

I'm just so happy not to be on straight bed rest. I know that people can find ways to pass the time and I know I would have been able to do that, but even just the few short days was awful. I enjoy reading but even that gets to be old when I'm just laying around. I don't mind resting. I enjoy it. I just want the option to get up out of bed and go somewhere if need be. I may not even do much of anything, but to have the option makes me feel better. I know in the long run, everything I do is for babycake, which makes it much more tolerable. I think I was worried about her as well, so knowing that she is doing fine makes me feel much better. The upside to bed rest is that my feet look great. No swelling at all. I do need to accept the possibility that this can change though, and I could be placed back on bed rest if things start to look not-so-good again.

I"m excited to be able to work on her room a little bit now. I ordered a bunch of things online yesterday, including her dresser. I received notification that it shipped today. Once that comes, Husband can put that together and then I can wash all of her clothes and put her things away. Husband also put together her pack & play yesterday. The cat discovered the pack & play and Husband caught her sleeping in it last night. Husband also purchased a couple of wicker laundry hampers for our room. These now belong to her as well, of course.


Oh, since I'm not allowed to go back to work, I went today and turned in my FMLA paperwork. I miss everything while I'm gone. Yesterday, apparently there was a ruckus. There is an open position in office support - you know, shredding paper, making copies, mailing letters, etc. Since it's really more of a grunt position, apparently the screening process isn't as extensive as the one used to hire for a higher paid/skilled position. Well, perhaps the State should re-evaluate their standards.

An older lady showed up in the lobby yesterday to interview for the position. As the office coordinator came to the lobby to bring her back for her interview, some tattooed man runs in and yells, "Don't let her in there! The police are on their way!" The office person thought it was a bit shady, so she brought the lady in and had her sit in an empty cubicle while she collected the paperwork for the interview. The police did in fact show up and said they had to question the lady. They started asking her questions. She was uncooperative. She ended up being hauled away.

So here's the whole story.

The woman rode the city bus downtown for her interview. While on the bus, she steals this dude's cell phone. She gets off the bus and goes into a cafe. The guy follows her and has someone call his phone and the woman's purse starts to ring. So he knows she jacked his phone. She realizes she is caught and then barricades herself in the bathroom. While in the bathroom, she disposes of the phone in the garbage, but keeps the battery. She then bolts from the cafe and comes to our office and waits for her interview. The guy follows her in yelling. She is brought in from the lobby into the office and left unsupervised in an empty cubicle while things are being sorted out. While in the cubicle, she disposes of the cell phone battery in the garbage can. The police show up to question her. She is uncooperative. They find the cell phone battery in the garbage after searching. She is taken away and arrested, and is being charged with obstruction and theft.

It's so stupid and so funny. I hope it ends up in the paper so I can know what her name is.

The whole time, my supervisor had been waiting to interview her. The office person goes in there and says, "You won't be interviewing so-and-so as she was just arrested by the police."

I wonder if she will be sent a rejection letter. Thank goodness she never made it any further. I'd hate for her to work there and then steal from us. I leave my purse out all the time and I don't lock my drawers. I mean, I work for a state agency. You'd think you wouldn't have to worry about something like that. And I still don't think I have to. The people I work with are honest people and have integrity. I think this woman just slipped through somehow.

I miss everything when I'm gone. Nothing ever happens when I'm there.

Bed rest, part II

Uh...so I got my test results back on Saturday from my 24-hr pee collection.

If your protein levels are 300 or above, you are considered to have pre-eclampsia. Am I spelling that right? Anyway, my levels are 275. That, coupled with my slightly hypertensive blood pressure, means that I can't go back to work until after Sofia is born. This sucks, for a million reasons.

I can't just NOT go back to work, but I can't even do anything. I have to lay around all day long. I can't do any housework. I can't put the nursery together. I can't go anywhere unless wherever I am going is a the clinic or a place where I can lay down. That pretty much gives me the option of going to my parents house.

It's also going to mess things up with work. I didn't plan on going on maternity leave until I went into labor. Well, that's totally shot now. I have to call my boss tomorrow and explain that I can't come back to work until the end of August now. I hope very much that Sofie comes early because I will need 6-8 weeks with her after she is born, but I only have 12 weeks allowed per FMLA, which starts this week. I'll be 36 weeks as of June 29th. Part of me hopes that she comes that week. Maybe they can induce me. Of course, only if she's healthy. But the other part of me feels bad because I know the longer she stays in, the better it is for her. I'll be doing weekly ultrasounds now most likely so that they can check her growth, which is good anyway because she has been measuring ahead. Right now I'm measuring at 37 weeks, so maybe at 36 weeks she'll be all done and ready to come out. I know that all of this is totally out of my control, so I will just keep doing whatever I'm supposed to do. Which is, apparently....nothing.

All will be well.... I just hope I don't die of boredom. Husband put the TV in our bedroom. I can also lay on our couch. Good thing we have Netflix and Showtime on demand. I've been wanting to catch up on Season 5 of Dexter anyway. I have a blanket I'm knitting. I have to work on the thank-you cards from my baby shower last weekend. I have a ton of Sookie Stackhouse books that I borrowed from a co-worker. Husband starts his job on July 11th, so hopefully baby comes before then so I'm not home alone unable to do anything. I'm thinking that if I'm still pregnant when he goes to work, I'll just spend the days at my mom and dad's house in case I go into labor. I know my dad will be around to drive me to the hospital if need be.

Bed rest, FTW!!

Look. I gave myself a trophy.


I'm on bed rest for a couple of days. I had my 34 week appointment today. My blood pressure is still slightly high and my midwife doesn't like it. It was totally normal until I hit 27 weeks. Since then it has been consistently above normal. They are calling it "pregnancy induced hypertension" or "gestational hypertension." It's annoying. I thought I had been doing everything right, drinking water, watching my salt intake, drinking soy milk (yes, this helps your blood pressure). I've been checked for protein in the urine each time and each time it came back totally negative. Even when I got sick back in April and had to stay overnight in the hospital, they checked and it was fine. But now that we're in the last few week stretch, she wants to make sure I'm not developing pre-eclampsia. So I'm on bed rest until I hear from her Sunday. Also, for the next 24 hours, I get to collect my pee in a giant orange jug which I keep in my fridge and then I have to turn it into the lab tomorrow. This entails me peeing in this plastic hat thing that I put in my toilet and then proceeding to pour my pee into the jug. Gross. Going to the bathroom is becoming a chore because I have to go downstairs, get the jug, go back upstairs, pee, put the pee in the jug, rinse out the hat, go back downstairs and put the jug in the fridge. The fact that it has to be refrigerated grosses me out. The whole thing grosses me out. We could have kept a cooler in the bathroom with ice but that's too much work and we don't even have a cooler. The jug is really tall so it won't fit in the fridge unless I put it in the side of the door, which meant I had to move the bbq sauce and the ketchup to make room for the pee jug. I can't wait until this is done and I hope I don't have to do this pee thing again.

I'm sorry, but I don't want to take a picture of the pee jug. It's big and orange and it has my name on it and it's filling up with my pee.

If they find that the test comes back abnormal, it means bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. Which means I have to go on early maternity leave from work, which is not something I want to do because I didn't plan on going for at least another month. Husband starts a new job on July 11th (at my office..heeeheehee!!) so if I can at least ride this out until then, it would be much easier on us financially. I also feel bad for Husband because if I go on bed rest, he has even more on his shoulders as I would be unable to help him with anything. He already does so much. Look, he put together Sofie's changing table. He's so handy! I have to buy a changing pad. And some baskets to put in the cubby holes. He took these pictures.


The cat thinks that all of the new things we are getting belong to her.

See?


And this is from before...


Sofie gave me a scare yesterday. Yesterday morning, I was concerned because I hadn't felt her move much since the day before. I went into the clinic and they hooked me up to the fetal monitor. Heartbeat was good but she was being lazy. So they had me drink some apple juice. Apparently that's all it took for her to start moving around and being silly. It's okay Sofie, I like apple juice, too. :)

She's still measuring ahead, at 37 weeks. My midwife felt her today and estimated her at around 5 pounds. I have (another) ultrasound scheduled for the week after next to check her growth. Depending on how that goes, she may get an eviction notice at 39 weeks. The due date may be off somewhat which would explain her measuring ahead since I don't have gestational diabetes and don't have a history of big babies in our family. I know I was a week early, and was 8lbs at birth. My mom said that she knew I would be early because she felt the doctors were wrong on her due date. A mother always knows. I hit the jackpot on ultrasounds for this pregnancy. And my insurance has covered all of them. Most people only get one. I bet they'll get a 3D one this time so maybe I can see what her face looks like!

All will be well. I'm betting that I'll get a call Sunday telling me I don't have pre-e and to just make sure I'm staying hydrated and watching my sodium. Sofie, be good! 6 more weeks and you can come out. :)

Bad maternity photos III

You thought you had seen it all. So did I. We were both wrong. I'm starting to notice a couple of themes when I stumble upon these terrible photos. Guns, nudity, and shame.

Remember the girl pointing the gun from the last bad maternity photo post? Well, I don't know how, but I found another one from their photo shoot. It just never ends.


"Yeah! I did it! I put it in a lady!" VICTORY!! Obviously, she doesn't look as happy about the whole situation.


Have you guys played Plants vs. Zombies? I think that's what's going on here. The alternative is too horrible to continue.


The only thing that comes to mind, is "crotch dumpling."


I guess this is trying to make some deep seeded point about "bearing a burden" or something. But does she really need to be wearing that outfit? Is there any reason for the hat?


Dude needs to work on his posture.

Okay, seriously. Enough.


This is already setting up a very strange power dynamic to bring a new life into.


First, it was kung fu fighting. Then it was love. "I have mastered you in single combat, woman, and then I gained the right to plunder your womb by the code of Bushido. As the cherry blossoms fall, so did your maidenhead." That's probably what he said.


Yeah, lady. It's the sound of jackhammers that is going to make your unborn child a slope-browed mongoloid. Keep puffing that Virginia Slim and spending my tax money.


I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for this photo. Some infomercial-driven pregnancy exercise program or something.


I suppose I could say about 200 words regarding this picture. But I won't. I just won't.


The last person to remove their hand gets to keep the baby. It's a Texas tradition.


Which is classier? The stomach tattoos or the proud dad taking the opportunity to flip a double bird over his woman's milk sacks? It's a toss-up.


Ah yes, a baby's best friend. Dogs are always freaked out by babies. It's like someone taught a big wad of hamburger meat to cry, yell, and poop. Which kind of ruins the appeal of hamburger meat.

This actually crosses the line into actual dementia.


I feel so bad for this poor, dumb animal. The horse doesn't have it too good either.


Well, it looks like David Bowie finally took things a little too far and crossed the line. I"m having problems right now. I'm having a micro-stroke.


This is classy though. Right....? It's not? Oh.


I'm not quite sure what exhibition of fantasy future weaponry this is exactly, but exposing an unborn baby to toxic levels of nerdery can result in them being born with a World of Warcraft account. My husband would like that. :)


I don't even have anything to say about this picture.


What kind of mental disorder do you need to have to think that taking these photographs would be a good idea? Look at that dude. He should not be passing his genetic information on. Even with her.