crap

I had a crappy day. I'm not going into detail. Just know that it was crappy and I cried for most of my morning.

I'm better now. I realize that I'm hormonal and that's probably at least 1/3 of the problem.

Whatever.

I went to the gym after work and I felt better. I love Hillary. She's my trainer, and my very good friend. Love!!

I also started to cheer up after lunch time because my coworkers are good people and make everything better. I'm really making good friends at work. It makes everything that much better.

After the gym, Husband took me to Blockbuster and rented Toy Story 3 for me. I'm also going to have potatoes for dinner. And I've been wanting potatoes, like....all the time. I'm totally excited. Wait...I have just been informed there are no potatoes. So I will have pasta instead. That's the next best thing.

Jessie found a dead spider on her desk today. Just right there out in the open by her computer mouse. Shriveled up and contorted like that freaky girl from The Exorcism of Emily Rose.


Sick. Disgusting. Someone put it there, I'm sure.

Someone also messed with my printer today. I had a paper jam, so I pulled the paper jam out and it was a picture of some dude wearing a shirt that said "I love farting." Seriously? If you are reading this, I know it was you. I put it in your printer. It's hidden in your stack of paper. It's going to show up when you least expect it. Just wait. You have started a battle. You might have military training, but I'm a woman and have much more vindictiveness in my veins. That, and I'm good at mind games. This had nothing to do with my bad day. This actually made my day better. :)

I love my husband for a lot of reasons. Also because he takes out the garbage. And cleans the litter box. He makes my days better.

We decorated our 3-foot tall Christmas tree tonight. This has also made things better.


I have a great life, a great job, great friends, a great family, and great pets....and I'm going to work on not letting one small thing ruin that for me. Maybe that's why things like this happen. Maybe I need to learn how to cope with change and work with different types of people. Maybe I need to learn how to let things go and not take everything so personally. Maybe I just need to get a life.

a few things in a few minutes

I complained a lot yesterday. So now I'm going to do the opposite.

1.) I miss the social aspect of working at Starbucks. And the drinks. Yummy stuff. I've gone there two days in a row now. I remember going every day. How times have changed.

2.) I went window-shopping today with my mom. I love my mom and I love spending time with her.

3.) I love my husband's family. I shouldn't call them that though. They are my family too. :)

4.) I love my dog. Max is the best dog I've ever known. He makes sounds like Chewbacca.

5.) I love my dad. I love how he pretends to care about football when he really doesn't, but he makes a big deal out of it when he watches a game.

6.) I love Nutella. It's good on everything. Almost everything.

7.) I love my husband. Today as we were on the way to my parents house, someone was tailing us. He slowed down to 10 mph under the speed limit, and then purposely slowed down more and turned without signaling, just to piss off the driver. I laughed so hard my head hurt. The other driver was furious.

8.) I love God. He has blessed us so much this year. I don't even know what to say.

9.) I love my friends. Amy, Nicole, Jessie, LeAnne...all of you. I don't know what I would do without you.

10.) I love my bed. The money we spent on it was so worth it. I could live in it. It's like a cloud of pillowy goodness.

husband makes baked goods. :)

Yum. I made tiramisu hot cocoa.


It was instant. I should send packets of these to my friends. I want to share the joy. I still have to send Kate her birthday gift. Her birthday was in October. I keep forgetting to send it. It's sitting on my kitchen table. I'm a bad person.

Look! It's my cat, Salem. He's in a box.


I have Thanksgiving with my inlaws tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it. I enjoy spending time with them. I always bake a pecan pie, green bean casserole, and I also do the mashed potatoes. I usually bring appetizers and treats too. I have a port wine cheeseball that I'm bringing. I also made a smoked salmon cheeseball. I had also planned on making oatmeal raisin cookies.

But I don't feel good today. When is baking not fun? When you are nauseous.

Luckily, I have a husband who is willing to help me. He made the pecan pie.


And the cookies.


I just stood there and told him what to do. And it turned out really nice. See? Anyone can bake good stuff. :)

I'm cranky today. So I'm going to share with you 10 things that annoy me, because I'm in the mood to complain. Sue me.

1.) Milk mustaches on adults. It's not cute and it's not funny. It's gross, especially when it's eggnog and you are talking. Get away from me.

2.) People who don't wear deodorant. A stick of deodorant is less than $3.00 at Walgreens. I suggest you wear it. Otherwise, get away from me.

3.) People who drive too close to me. I'm sorry that I am going 5 mph OVER the speed limit and it's still not fast enough for you. Get away from me.

4.) People who talk incessantly and repeat the same thing 4 times before making their point...or sometimes not making their point at all. What? Get away from me.

5.) People who don't brush their teeth. You have green teeth and your breath is exacerbating my nausea. Get away from me.

6.) My nausea. My cramps. I can't blame anyone for this. I can't even tell anyone to get away from me. Wait, yes I can. I don't feel good. Get away from me.

7.) Cake-making contest reality TV shows. People will sit in the audience for 6 hours and watch 4 teams of people build an extreme cake. Those people have no life. But I am sitting here watching this show. What does this say about me?

8.) When I worked at Starbucks, customers would come through the drive-thru and as they were leaving, they'd say, "Thanks a latte!" Guess what? You aren't clever or funny. You're stupid. Get away from me.

9.) I feel like every time I think there is nothing in the world that a reality show hasn't been centered around, a new stupid reality show comes out. The latest? "Pit Bulls and Parolees." I'm not even kidding. Make a reality show about me. You can follow me day to day and listen to me complain about how I don't feel good. And at the end of the season, you can find out why I'm not feeling well.

10.) It bothers me when I send someone a nice e-mail and they don't respond. I think it's rude.

I'm going to stop complaining now. Husband has informed me that he is going to the store because he wants eggnog. He was listening to me complain about adults with eggnog mustaches so now he wants eggnog. But he's also going to pick me up a jar of Nutella. I'm not annoyed anymore. :)

Here are the recipes we used.

Pecan Pie (as adapted from the Karo corn syrup bottle)

1 cup light corn syrup
1 cup sugar
3 eggs
2 Tbsp melted butter
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp brandy (my addition - not in the recipe)
2 cups of pecans (the recipe calls for 1 and 1/2 cups but I use more because I live dangerously)

Combine first 6 ingredients until mixed well. Add pecans and mix. Pour into an unbaked deep dish pie shell and bake for one hour at 350 degrees. Oh joy!!

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies (as adapted from the oatmeal silo)

2 sticks of butter
1/2 cup of white sugar
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
3 cups oats
1 cup raisins

In a bowl, combine the flour, salt, baking soda, and cinnamon. Set aside. Cream butter and sugar in another bowl. Add eggs and vanilla and mix. Add the dry ingredients and mix. Add the oats and raisins and mix. Drop by spoonfuls onto parchment lined baking sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes at 350 degrees. We used a big ice cream scoop and did 6 cookies per sheet, baking them around 12 minutes.

lack of inspiration...? no.

There's a lot I want to say, but it's not the right time. I know I've been quiet. I'm sorry. It will come out in the open soon. You'll see. I've even been slacking in the kitchen. I tried cooking tonight, but was too lazy to put forth a ton of effort, so I did something that I rarely do. I used store bought crescent rolls. Do you know how bad those are for you? Well, they're bad for you. But they taste good. Especially when you roll them up with things like pesto and cheese and bake them and dip them in marinara sauce and eat them.


My husband liked them. He was excited. See?


That's when you know you married a good one. When he gets excited over pastries that you baked from a can that you got in the refrigerated section at the grocery store. That, my friends, is true love. Or, maybe he is a guy who will eat anything. I guess we may never know. Maybe he's both. Maybe I'm just that darn lucky.

Do you want to impress a man with little to no effort? Everyone knows that one of the ways to a man's heart is through his stomach. Why not do it in 20 minutes or less?!

Pesto Pinwheels (I totally just made that up)

1 healthy can of store-bought crescent rolls
pesto
cheese
marinara sauce (this was also store bought. I am scoring a lot of points tonight)

Pop the can of crescent rolls open and unroll the whole thing on a cutting board. Pinch the creases together as best you can.


Spread pesto all over, leaving some room on the edges.


Sprinkle cheese (I used mozzarella).


Starting at a skinny end, roll it up. The creases might come undone as you roll - just pinch them together. It's going to be okay, I promise.


After you have the log all rolled, cut it into 8 pieces. Arrange them on parchment paper on a cookie sheet (or a pizza pan, like I did). Bake at 350 degrees for around 15 minutes or whatever the package says. I forgot.


Heat the marinara sauce on the stove so you don't feel as guilty for buying it from the store. Don't use the microwave unless you enjoy self-loathing. I didn't take a picture of it. I was too ashamed.

And, here are 10 things in 10 minutes.

1.) I like Thanksgiving. I like pecan pie.

2.) My hair is getting long.

3.) I need to shave my legs.

4.) People were rude to me today on the phone. I sort of threw it right back at them. Then I felt guilty. Then my stomach hurt. Then I realized I didn't feel guilty, but I was just hungry.

5.) I wish I could try getting lash extensions just once. I don't need them. It won't happen though, ever, for two reasons. One, it's seriously like $300. Two, there is nowhere around here that will do the ones I am thinking about. But I'd never spend money like that. If I had $300 to blow, I'd probably buy a new pair of boots.

6.) My husband bought a "paw breaker" for our cat. It's basically catnip fused with human-grade food binder and pressed into a hard ball, like a jaw breaker. Hence, "paw breaker," as that's what it is called. My cat loves it. She chases it and bites it and she loves her life.

7.) Tomorrow for Thanksgiving at my parents house, I am making green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, and smoked salmon spread. I'm also bringing a cheese ball and gluten-free crackers. And sparkling pear juice. That's right. Juice.

8.) I'm happy it's a 4-day weekend.

9.) I miss my grandparents a lot.

10.) It snowed today. A little. It was pretty.

Bambi lives another day.

Husband went hunting this weekend. Sadly, he did not get anything. Which surprises me. Usually he does. Maybe later on in the week when he goes again. Honestly, I hope he does - it's nice because the venison lasts us the entire year and I don't have to buy any ground meat. I don't really eat it, but he does, and I make a lot of things out of it for him.

Speaking of food, I haven't made anything in a while. I haven't felt very well and I'm not in the mood to eat anything other than random junk if I'm craving something. I don't feel great. And I'm tired. I feel bad. I feel like I should make something for him. Something other than a sandwich made with mayonnaise and deli meat.

I was driving down to my inlaws place where my husband has been this weekend and I started to laugh. I was thinking about the whole deer hunting thing. Last year when he went hunting, a lot of people had gotten a deer - I got really upset and started to cry. Why? Well, have you ever seen a dead deer stuck to the back of someone's trailer or on top of their roof?? I refuse to look for a picture because it makes me sad. There is always blood on their mouth...and even if there isn't, their tongues are always hanging out of their face. They look so degraded being hauled off for processing. It hurts my feelings. I explained this to my husband and I was very upset. He said, "Well what do you want me to do? Put its tongue in its mouth and tape its mouth shut?" I said, "Yes. Actually, that's a good idea." And I was serious. He didn't agree, but he did it. He did it for me. He duct taped the deer's snout closed like it was a crocodile.


The things my husband does for me. I wonder what people thought when they saw him driving it around.

I'm going to take a nap.

sweet november

Post #2 for today. To be fair, I wrote this like a month ago but didn't post it. So here it is now. I need to explain my pregnancy a little bit because I haven't really been super detailed.

I found out on November 17th when I left work nauseous - again - and asked my husband to drive me to Urgent Care. It was really starting to bother me. This had been going on for two weeks. All of these symptoms pointing to pregnancy but no positive pregnancy test. I wrote this on 11/19 with plans to publish it later on after we had told people. We wanted to wait this time because of what happened last time. It's difficult to have to explain to the whole world that you aren't pregnant anymore, so we thought we'd try and wait a bit until we knew things were okay. Being only 8 weeks along...it's still early, and anything can happen. People already know. I don't care. If something awful happens, it just means I'll have that much more support from people. It's going to be okay.

*****

I am writing this on 11/19. I don't plan to publish this until we're several weeks in. I made the mistake of announcing it too early and then we lost the baby at 8 weeks. Announcing it early won't change the outcome, but it will make it easier when I don't have to go and undo it all. Having to tell everyone in the world that I lost the baby was awful. I've been told that there are still people who think I am pregnant. Well, now I am, but it's a different ice climber.

Yes, ice climber. I think it's funny. It's my little ice climber, clinging to the side of my uterus. Weird? Well, everyone calls their unborn baby things like, "bean" or something equally unoriginal. Bet they've never called it an ice climber. Or a dinosaur.

I'll first say that Urgent Care sucks. Next time I should really just be patient and wait until I miss my period. But if you know how I am, I'm really impatient, and it was starting to bother me that I was so sick and had nothing to attribute it to.

The doctor I saw seemed relatively unconcerned. She was very nice, don't get me wrong. But she was also approaching the whole thing in a very scientific way and wasn't listening to me. She started asking me stupid crap about my thyroid and whether it burned when I peed. I was like, "No. As I have said before, the only symptoms I have are the fact that my period did not come, I have been nauseated for 2 weeks now with no relief, my boobs hurt, I have dizzy spells, and my HPT was negative yesterday. That is ALL." I do not have an STD. I do not have an earache. I am not dehydrated. I do not have diarrhea. I do not have anything other than what I just told you.

She asks, "What about sinus drainage? Do you have sinus drainage? Pain? Sore throat? Fever? When did you last have your thyroid checked?" I wanted to punch her in the face. I know they have to ask all kinds of questions but I swear she wasn't even listening to me. What the heck does my thyroid have to do with this? She also asked if I have ever had mono. Yes, when I was 17. What else would you like to know?

So she ordered some blood work - which included a thyroid check - why is this woman so obsessed with my thyroid?! She said she'd call me between 1pm and 2pm that day (it was before noon at the time) and let me know what the results were.

So I went home, in a huff. I was tired and felt like throwing up. I got home and put on my jammies and went to bed. Then I e-mailed some of my friends, complaining.

The doctor called back right at 1pm. She told me that she hoped this would be good news, and that my pregnancy test was positive. She also mentioned that the lab did the Hcg test twice because they wanted to make sure. Apparently it was a very faint positive. She said that she wanted me to "make sure" before I got too excited by following up with another home pregnancy test in a week. I asked her why? I said that I wasn't a doctor but if the hormone shows up, there's a baby in there. She said that there is a chance that it could be a false positive. I'm not going to sit and argue with a doctor but I know that it's not a false positive. False positives are extremely rare, especially with a blood test. And the only way for me to have a false positive would be if I was going through menopause and doing hormone therapy or taking medication with chemicals in it that would give a false positive. I know she's just doing her job, but seriously. She also added that once I meet with my health care provider who will be working with me during my pregnancy, I should mention my thyroid, so they can keep an eye on it. Seriously, what is this woman's obsession with my thyroid?!

Anyway, it's nice to be able to know why I feel so crappy. I made an appointment with a maternity nurse counselor. My first appointment is 12/17. At that point I will have them do lab work and I'll choose my health care provider who will be working with me for the rest of the pregnancy. I'll be going with a midwife again. My pregnancy is not considered high risk simply because I had a prior miscarriage. Hopefully this little ice climber sticks and we'll have a new addition to our family around the end of July.

Out of mere curiosity though, I did pee on a home pregnancy test the very next morning. And, sure enough.


False positive my butt.

So I'm going to tell you what my symptoms were before I found out I was pregnant.

About a week and a half prior to going to the doctor, I noticed that my hair was starting to act weird. It wasn't necessarily thicker, but you know how when (as a girl) you take a shower and you are rinsing the conditioner out of your hair and a bunch of strands of hair always come off? This wasn't happening. I mean, it was, but not like normal. It was just a few rather than a bunch of them. I thought that was weird. I thought maybe it was the new shampoo I was using. I was like, "Sweet, my hair is going to look thicker at this rate." But then it started to get greasy, even if I was washing it every single day. It still is. I washed it last night before I went to bed and when I woke up this morning it looks disgusting and dirty.

Around the same time as the hair stuff, I was EXHAUSTED. Like, mono exhausted. I could not sleep enough. I'd sleep 10 hours and feel like I hadn't slept at all. I could barely keep my eyes open at dinner time. I'd come home early, go to bed at 12, wake up at 6, eat, go back to sleep and sleep for another 11 hours and still be tired. Now, I'm tired still, but I end up waking at like 5am every day even if I don't want to.

I learned a bit about charting your BBT (basal body temperature). You take your temperature immediately upon waking, before you move or do anything. That temperature is your basal (or base) body temperature. When you ovulate, it spikes, and then drops again afterward. All I know, is that if your BBT remains higher after you ovulate and stays that way, you are probably pregnant. I didn't need to take my temperature to know that though. All of a sudden, I'm waking up in the middle of the night sweating like some crazy woman and kicking off the covers. It's almost winter. It is cold in our house, and I have been warm at night. So I started taking my temperature in the mornings before getting up. My normal BBT is 96.0. But it has been consistently 97.33 - 97.79.

Then the nausea. Oh, the nausea! I've had nausea before but I've never had it last an entire day. Day, after day, after day. As I write this I am still nauseous. It started happening around 11am and lasting until 6pm. Then it started earlier, and earlier...and now I have it when I wake up and it doesn't go away until I go to bed at night. I haven't thrown up yet, but that may change.

I have to take my vitamins at night because I am worried they will make me even more nauseous.

I'm also mad that this is going to make me gain weight. So much for Operation Bikini. I'll just have to pick that up after the baby is born. I can still exercise and do other things. I just can't go to spinning or workout like a freak. No lifting heavy things or pushing myself to the point of exhaustion. I don't think anyone wants to be puked on.

Something is wrong with my boobs. I noticed it the other day. Not only are my nipples freakishly dark, but they stick out like I'm some sort of porn star. It's embarrassing and I find myself wearing certain types of clothes to hopefully hide it. I'm not kidding, it's awkward. My boobs have thumbs.

*****

Okay, so that's that. Honestly, not much has changed since then. At all. I'm more nauseated and it rarely lets up. When it does let up, I try to eat something good before it sets in again, because once it comes back, all bets are off. There is no eating.

My cravings have been funny. At the moment, things that I can't seem to get enough of (when I'm not feeling sick):

Nutella
Quesadillas from The Green Mill (This yummy restaurant here in town)
S'more Pop Tarts
Mashed potatoes
Chocolate malt milkshakes
Thick cut french fries
Hot cocoa

I don't have much for food aversions. Even meat isn't bothering me right now which is weird because usually it does. Vegetables really don't sound good to me though. Fruit is fine but I could really take it or leave it. Ginger ale is good, but only Canada Dry. Schweppes isn't good to me anymore, which is weird because it used to be my favorite. Now it's too sweet.

I don't sleep well. I'm not drinking enough water. I'm not going to the gym lately because I am nauseous all the time and the slightest thing will set me off. I find it's safer to remain motionless until this part of my pregnancy passes. Sucks.

My hair is LONG. It just keeps growing. I'm really moody. I cry a lot. I also worry about everything. I'm trying not to.

I said this in my previous post....but I really need a milkshake.

Thursday!!

I created a Facebook event inviting some people to attend Thursday. I get so many event invites. It's as though people will create an event for anything. Hi, I am creating an event because I lost my phone and need phone numbers. Really?

Well I am inviting you to attend THURSDAY. You get it.

So happy Thursday. It's really special. I know, something is wrong with me.

carry on, then.

Well, I've pretty much had it. I am throwing in the towel. I went to the doctor today to find out why I am feeling so crummy. What did they tell me? I'm not sick. I'm fine.

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

I need to find a way to continue on with Operation Bikini without fainting or making myself vomit. If there's a will, there's a way. Treadmill? Yes. Stability ball? I do not know what to do with you. You are big and red and bouncy. I will sit on you and do bicep curls with a 5-lb weight. It's going to work.

I went to the store today. I needed to buy food. Nothing looked good. I bought stuff that I knew was healthy. It is in my refrigerator. I do not want to eat it. It looks gross. I bought some turkey pastrami for my husband so he could make sandwiches. I made him a sandwich. The smell didn't do much for my nausea.

My pregnant friend says, "I find that if I eat smaller more frequent meals then my nausea isn't bad." Good idea. But, I'm definitely not pregnant, so.....

OH! There is a new episode of Throwdown with Bobby Flay tonight. He is facing off with Pioneer Woman. I hope she wins. He's arrogant. I'd rather eat a Thanksgiving dinner made by Pioneer Woman than Bobby Flay. I don't care if he's the king of the grill. He's arrogant and I have grown tired of his accent and rooftop grilling. Boy Meets Grill? Not creative. Face Meets Grill sounds more like it. Bobby Flay's face.

I want a piece of cake. I have none.

I bought some organic pumpkin. Pumpkin fluff, anyone? It sounded good a couple of hours ago. Now all I want is water and a piece of bread.

OH! I have quinoa pasta. I know what I'm eating for dinner now.

a bad morning, fixed.

Disclaimer: Yes, I'm writing this from work. I am on my break. I am pretty sure that it doesn't violate our IT policies. I made sure to read the policy beforehand. See, as follows:

The IT policy says that staff can only use the internet for personal time for 30 minutes during the day. Here is that actual part:

In an effort to provide a quality work life, limited personal use of IT resources is permitted as long as use:

Is limited to a total of 30 minutes per day over break time, lunch time, and before or after work.

Is consistent with department polices and rules, including confidentiality, is not offensive, illegal, or in violation of any local, state, or federal statute, copyright laws, or software licenses.

Has negligible cost impact on the department.

Does not impede business functions.

Do not use resources for any purpose that you would not want your supervisor or someone other than the intended viewer to see.

So there you have it. I don't believe I've ever discussed anything on here that would get me into trouble, so I should be good to go.

On that note, I want to tell you about my morning.

I haven't been feeling well. I took a sick day yesterday for the second half of my day. My physical well-being is affecting me emotionally and I've been way hormonal. I don't know why. All I know is that I made a banana chocolate peanut butter smoothie for breakfast. I left for work and forgot it. I realized this as I was halfway to work and I cried. I got to work and asked if I could go home and get my smoothie and come back and make the time up. My supervisor is a wonderful person and she said yes. So I went home. I got home and my smoothie was not there. Then I noticed that my husband had called me a few times but I didn't hear it since the ringer was turned off (I always turn it off when I get to work). So I called him back. He said that he heard me leave this morning and came downstairs to see that I had forgotten my smoothie. So, because he's a super hero, he took the smoothie and was going to surprise me at work.

I don't even know what to say. He's a great guy and I'm so lucky! But how dumb of me. If I had at least had my phone on vibrate, I wouldn't have had to go all the way home. Then again, if I hadn't forgotten my smoothie in the first place, he wouldn't have wasted his time. He met me as I was leaving to go back to work and gave me the smoothie. It was still cold. :)

Love!!!

Along with that, I came to find that my office person had fixed my printer, and then my coworker gave me an orange. Nice stuff, so my day has been fixed.

The end.

cats are like women.

They hold grudges. Most of them anyway. Unlike dogs, who tend to forget that you yelled at them and are fine 10 minutes later.

I've heard men be referred to as dogs as a means of insulting them. Really? That's stupid. That's a really horrible comparison. Dogs are wonderful. They are loyal, they let things go, they don't hold grudges, and all they want to do is play. They will always protect you, they love when you feed them, and no matter what you do, they will keep you on a pedestal. So if you are going to do that, you're paying them a compliment.

Except for my dog, Max. Not only will he not eat his food unless you give him cheese, but it has to be a specific brand of cheese. And he doesn't listen, and he talks back.


Previously I discussed my friend's cat, Kingsley, and how he left an oversized dump on our chair.


It wasn't directed toward us - no, it had nothing to do with us. It was because he was angry with his owner. A married couple who my husband and I are friends with were over visiting, and they brought Kingsley along. Why couldn't he be included in the visit? He's a great cat and he likes to visit and run around our house. He was naughty though, so my friend's husband put him in the basement to punish him and have him think about his behavior. While down there, he decided he was going to show his owner what he thought of the idea, and he crapped on our chair. I think the reason he did that was two-fold.

1.) His owner had previously sat there (I think - that is the Man chair) so he wanted to make sure his owner knew that this pile was just for him.

2.) It was a white leather chair. Easy to see the poop, but also easy to clean up. Why destroy the carpet or cloth furniture that belonged to people who meant him no harm?

So Kingsley was in more trouble. Apparently though, Kingsley felt as though he did not get his point across. I have been informed that he has subsequently urinated on his owner's jacket/hooded sweatshirt. The cat is angry. Angry that he was locked in the basement, and he wants vengeance.


So what do you do when your cat holds a grudge? Well, there isn't much you can do other than remind him how much you do love him and try to come to some sort of an understanding. Cats will eventually let it go, but in their own time.

Like women.

I'm sorry to say, but us women are really bad people. I don't know why. Maybe it is because we feel as though we are owed special treatment because we have to deal with more hardships than men do. And it's true.

Men don't have to get their periods. That in itself can't even be explained fully, because unless you've had to deal with it, you won't get it. It isn't just a few days. It's half of your month. The week before, you hate life and feel awful, and the week of you hate life and feel awful. Then, the week AFTER, you're fertile, so unless you want to get pregnant, you have to avoid sex altogether for an entire week. That leaves you ONE week of joy each month. So we're really only happy for a total of one week per month. That's 12 weeks per year, or 3 months total. That leaves 9 months out of the year when we're angry. For some women, they are pregnant during these 9 months. Which leads to my next point.

Men don't have to bear children. Men don't have to get their stomach or other areas all stretched out over the course of 9 months. They don't have to worry about their feet swelling. I don't think I have to go into any more detail on that.

Men can go running without wearing a sports bra.

Men don't have to wear a bra at all. Maybe some SHOULD, but that's another topic in itself.

Men don't have to wear shirts.

Men don't have to sit down to pee.

Men aren't expected to know how to cook. You know, some women are terrible cooks. Not me, but some. What? You're upset because you're expected to know how to fix a car? Well that's your fault. You men go on and on about cars, so you've made us think over the years that you're an expert at working on cars and fixing things. Your fault.

Look, if you're a guy - I'm not saying that you will never be able to do the right thing. I'm just saying that you need to tread lightly and admit it when you're wrong. And if you're wrong all the time, just admit it. Because you probably are. Now, we won't go and pee on your favorite shirt. We will, however, not speak to you, or purposely do things or ask you questions in which whatever you do or say will be incorrect, thus sparking an argument that you have already lost even before you are aware of what is happening. And I'm sorry for this. I apologize on behalf of women everywhere. Unfortunately, I can't change things. But I am sorry.

My husband once brought up a good point. He said, "I understand that you have to deal with all of these things (as I mentioned above), but did you ever stop to think that it's hard for me as well because I have to deal with your unhappiness over these things??"

My answer to him and to other men who may have that same thought: Yes, I know. You have to deal with the aftermath. If that's hard, imagine how hard it is for us who have to deal with it first hand. But I do give you credit for the part about having to deal with us when we're unhappy; however, you really don't have to. You are choosing to. If you are referring to your wife - you married her knowing full well what she was like. And if you didn't know beforehand and you think that she turned into a monster after you signed the marriage license, then that's also your fault. You made your bed and now you must sleep in it.

I know this sounds really harsh, and I have purposely made it that way for all intents and purposes of making my friends laugh. All jokes aside - I will give men credit. You do a lot for us and we appreciate it. I honestly don't know what I'd do without my husband. I really can't imagine not having him here with me. I would be a total wreck, and I would have nobody to make my life easier when I'm unhappy. I'd have to do it all myself, and that's just something that I can't think about right now.

Maybe it started with Adam and Eve. The ONE time in history a husband decided to listen to his wife, the entire world spiraled out of control and we continue to pay for this today. But then he goes and blames her. Dude, you didn't have to eat the apple. You didn't have to eat it! You are blaming her for something that you did wrong! What? You would have been wrong for not listening to her? So no matter what you chose to do it would have been wrong? I'm starting to think that if the first man didn't get it, that no man will get it. Maybe it's a lost cause.

I'm sorry, but I feel like this same type of argument continues to happen and has been happening since the beginning of time. Literally. Just accept the fact that nothing you do will be right, say you were wrong, and move forward in trying to fix it. There's so much blame that continues to be passed back and forth, and for what? Nothing is resolved.

Someone has to do the right thing and take responsibility and admit that they are wrong, and it might as well be you. :)

Don't be mad. Look! It's Kingsley, in many boxes!

4-letter words

I bet you thought I was going to talk about swearing. You are incorrect.

Snow:

We had our first snow of the season yesterday. It wasn't much. It melted right away.


But it's snowing again today. It looks like it's snowing a little more than it was yesterday. This might stay for today. It will probably melt soon.

Baby:

A friend of mine helped me babysit my other friend's baby last night. I have very little experience with children. They usually don't like me very much. I don't know why. I think I'm nice. Maybe because they can sense that I am uncomfortable. Except for my nephew. He loves me. It helped that I was in the delivery room. I was one of the first people he met. He's in love with me. The rest of them though? Not so much.

So last night I watched this little one for a couple of hours. I hope my friend doesn't get mad at me for putting up a picture. She's just so cute. I stole this off of her Facebook page.


My friend helped me. She is pregnant. I don't think she has much experience either. Possibly more than me though. Honestly, she held her more. So did her husband. Probably because they are having one soon and wanted the practice. But, in terms of my friend and I....our incompetence was apparent. The baby is teething so the mom told us that if she gets fussy, we could give her a dropperful of children's Tylenol. Two hours into her visit, she starts crying uncontrollably. So at that point, we thought some medicine would be a good idea. We gave her the medicine and she was fine, but then she started screaming again. Then we realized since she had been there for over two hours, we probably should check her diaper. It was wet. We should have done that before we gave her the medicine. But like I said, incompetent. So my friend gets her diaper off and she's totally bubbly and happy and it's so cute. We decided to put her jammies on her too. So we get her undressed and she's all rolly polly and happy and kicking and laughing.

Piss:

We were admiring how cute she was and then she pissed on my floor. On my Asian rug. Right next to the changing pad we had laid out. It was our fault for not putting a diaper on her or having her on her pad. Like I SAID, incompetent. So while my friend got her dressed again, I drove over to my parents house to borrow their carpet spray for cleaning up animal pee. I got home and my living room was in ruins, but the baby was quiet and happily drinking from her bottle. I should have taken a picture. It was amazing - the aftermath of simply changing a diaper.

Like I said. Incompetent.

Clearly I am not ready to have a baby. My friend did most of the work. But I drove and got carpet cleaner. That has to count for something.

Test:

It was suggested that I take a pregnancy test, given my symptoms lately. I took one this morning. It's negative.


There you have it. No diaper changing in my future yet. I'm not due until Wednesday, but the test says you should be able to tell 5 days before your missed period, and it's negative, so I'm going to just go with it. Any thoughts? Should I move on with my life and have a glass of wine, or should I wait a week and test again?

Poop:

I should also mention that my friend and her husband brought their cat over when they came to visit. I should briefly back up by saying that my friend AND her husband came over. They bring their cat when they come over. Their apartment is a bit smaller so their cat likes coming over to run around and hide in different rooms.


The cat was naughty tonight so my friend's husband locked him in the basement for a while. I asked if the cat had gone to the bathroom already because I didn't want him to pee or anything. Yes, he had already gone, and I shouldn't worry because he's not the kind of cat to make messes.

Well, it was proven that you should never underestimate an angry cat. That cat crapped on my Italian leather oversized chair. He left an oversized dump. My friend's husband cleaned it up and I think they were incredibly embarrassed. I told them not to be. It's not their fault that their cat decided to be disgusting. Even after it was cleaned up though, the smell lingered. Rather than watching zombie movies after they left, I went to sleep. I was exhausted anyway. I don't know why I'm so tired. It has already been established that it cannot be attributed to something small growing inside of me.

Today we are going to visit my husband's family. There is going to be a joint birthday party for my 13-year old niece and my 1-year old nephew.

I don't know if I can justify wearing my snow boots. I want to, but I don't think there is enough snow. I'll look stupid. But as I've established many times, I'm good at that.

It is worth mentioning that there is Christmas music playing on the radio right now.

sick.

I don't feel good.

The past week was a good week; however, each day (starting on Monday), I have felt progressively worse. Like I have the flu, only it comes on really mild and barely there and gets a little worse each day. I haven't had a fever or anything though.

It started out as fatigue. Just a bit tired. Then the next day I was more tired, so I went to bed extra early. I was even MORE tired when I woke up on Wednesday, so I went to bed even earlier on Thursday night. Seriously, before 8:30pm. Then this morning (Friday) I woke up after 10 hours of sleep and felt like I only slept 3 hours. To be fair, I did wake up in the middle of the night to go pee, and then I couldn't fall back asleep, but had some nausea. I woke up to go to work, forced myself to go to work, and felt worse as the day went on. Now (I really should be in bed), I seriously feel like I'm going to throw up. But I know I won't. I don't think I'm quite 'there' yet. I feel like I have a horrible case of motion sickness. Oh, and I started having dizzy spells on Thursday. I have no idea what is happening to me. But I have no body aches and no fever and nothing else, so I don't even know what I'd tell the doctor if I went to the doctor.

This is putting a serious damper on Operation Bikini. I didn't go to the gym today. I think if I had gone to the gym, I would have thrown up on a machine, or a person.

Speaking of throwing up.....some man who works in my office who I don't really know puked in the hallway a couple of weeks ago. Not even kidding. He barfed in the lobby, then he sort of gathered himself together and went back and sat at his desk. No drink of water, no stick of gum, and no bothering to clean up his vomit. After talking with some colleagues, this same person apparently does calisthenics in the men's restroom and was also seen doing pushups in the basement. I can't talk about this anymore.

I do NOT feel well. At ALL. And I can't eat crackers to settle my stomach because I am allergic to gluten. I also have no ginger ale. Life is broken.

Well, at least if I end up puking, I will get to do it in a brand new toilet.

email memoirs - first and probably last

This is slightly blurry because I had the camera on the wrong setting, but still makes for a pretty desktop background. My boss likes it. That made me happy.


Since I've obtained permanent status in the office, now I have to move to a different unit. With a new supervisor. The State does things weird, and there's so much red tape, and this other unit is the one that had the vacancy in it, so off I go. I'm a bit sad. I love my supervisor and I love the people in my unit. BUT, I am sure this other unit will be just as nice. Probably just different, and I'll have to get to know people, but it will be okay. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with it. It's not like I'm going very far. Just across the office to the other side. The other side. I think it will be okay. Tomorrow is the big day of moving. Packing up my stuff and rolling it to the other side. And since my favorite coworker and I will not physically see each other unless we physically walk to the other side of the building, all we have is e-mail.

I love my e-mails between my coworker and myself. However, today, we attended a meeting with our division administrator and a couple of other important people from State, including the internal security guy. Among other things discussed, e-mail and internet usage was a topic, and my coworker and I felt as though the spotlight was directly on us. Chances are a lot of other people felt that way too, but as a precaution, we've decided to try and cut back on our e-mailing back and forth. Not that we ever talk about anything bad, but we were reminded that everything of ours is technically public record and we have no privacy as we work for the government. Which means, that they (whoever 'they' are) can pull our data and look at it, and...well, we don't want to look bad. So we are going to just put ourselves in check for a while. But, this was done prior to that meeting, so for good measure, I'll share it. It's wonderful. And in a way, kind of like a last hurrah.

If we're cutting back on e-mails, what do we have? Memories. Only memories.

I am sad.


From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: You don't have to say yes...

But, my sister-in-law, called me yesterday and offered to do a baby shower for me. She's the one who married my brother. That's super awesome of her to do that for me/us. She asked if I had anyone in the area that would be able to help a little and I thought of you. You don't have to say yes just because you're my BFF :P You can say no. She is a great planner, unlike any person I've seen before. Plus I can be pretty dang honest with her and that's hard to come by. So with her mad planning skills I don't think she'll need a ton of help, but it can be a lot of work for one person. She said she planned her friend's baby shower recently (the bitchy maid of honor) and she planned it with a girl she didn't know and it went well.

I'm going to get in touch with my other friends to see how many people they're willing to host. Because I need to figure out who to invite to which shower. I'm also going to start making a guest list.

So anyways, you can choose to be a hostess or a guest. :P

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: You don't have to say yes...

I'd be happy to help her. I can make cupcakes or something and help her decorate at least.

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: You don't have to say yes...

OK, cool, thanks :) I'll let her know. I want to help out too in some way.

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: You don't have to say yes...

I really like the baking part of it. I love making cupcakes. It's so much fun. Then people eat them and compliment me on how great they are.

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: You don't have to say yes...

Haha, OK. I'll let her know you have dessert covered and are willing to tape pink and blue streamers to the wall.

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: You don't have to say yes...

Sweet. Yes. That is ALL I am willing to do. Nothing more, nothing less. Streamers only. I won't blow up balloons or tape up a "baby" sign.

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: You don't have to say yes...

I will let her know you will only contribute by showing up a half hour before the event with cupcakes and streamers and you'll ask to use her scotch tape.

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: You don't have to say yes...

Yes, tell her that. Also tell her I do not plan on staying after I tape up the streamers and put the cupcakes on a paper plate on the table.

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: You don't have to say yes...

HA!! So I'll tell her not to expect much. Got it :P

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: You don't have to say yes...

They will also be Hostess Cupcakes. I will take the time to unwrap them from the package though. Do you also want Twinkies? I can cut them in half.

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: You don't have to say yes...

Die in a fire.

Oh well. It is what it is. I suppose now that we will be separated we will both probably get more work done. We were productive before, but imagine how much more productive we will be now. I hope I enjoy my new unit. I hope they are as fun as my current unit. If not...well, then I guess I will just have to get used to the change. Change can be good sometimes, I suppose. Know what? I'm excited. :)

Speaking of change, I made a grilled cheese sandwich with gluten-free bread. It's alright. Nothing that I'd go out of my way to do again though. But I'm really full. Weird.

Oh, and on another note, I came home to find that my landlord granted my request (or rather, he just wanted me to stop calling him) and installed brand new toilets in both of our bathrooms. I feel like my life just keeps improving every day. Now I can get to poo in a toilet that nobody else has poo'd in. My life is wonderful.

Lists

Before I go on, I want to share with you another sweet wallpaper.


You're welcome.

So, we all make lists. Chores. Groceries. Errands. Pros & cons. There, see? That was like, a list of list examples. Amazing.

Then we have more serious lists. Like, goals or accomplishments. Wants/needs, benefits/risks. You get it.

After I left home, I dabbled with college, changed majors a couple of times, dated a few douche bags, got burned, quit school....I had an endless lack of direction. It was pretty sweet. Then I moved to Las Vegas. I don't know what I thought I'd find. I wasn't thinking about money, although I had none. I just needed something. So I dealt drugs. Really, I did. I worked at a pharmacy. It was totally legal. Then I met a nice guy who had some direction. He steered me. That was nice of him. I owe him big time. That's probably I married him.

In any case, once I realized that I had nothing to offer anyone (especially not a great guy like him), I figured I had better get things straightened out. I mean, it was about so much more than him. It was about where I saw myself in 10 years and what I wanted to do with my life. I knew that I wanted him there for sure, but everything else had to fall into place as well.

On a sidenote, I liked him SO much, do you know what I did? I thought that if I had something of his, he would definitely want it back at some point, so he'd have a reason to call me. I borrowed his favorite DVD. Then I conveniently kept "forgetting" to give it back to him. In my mind, he always had a reason to call me because of that. That is, if he wanted his DVD back. A year later, I came clean and told him what my plan had been. He responded by saying, "If I didn't like you, I would have just gone and bought another DVD." Thanks. Thanks a lot. You know what, I don't even LIKE The Big Lebowski. How about that?!

So after I had given his movie back, I thought about things some more. And I made a list. I decided to write things down in the order that I thought of them, but not necessarily in the order they had to be accomplished. Because that's just setting me up for failure. For example, if it took me forever to get one thing done, I'd never get to the next thing, and who knows where I'd be. So here it is, in no particular order, with the things crossed off that I have accomplished thus far.

Pay off credit cards
Marry nice guy
Finish college
Get skinny
Obtain career
Buy house
Have baby

I'm excited to say that I was able to cross yet another thing off of that list as of this past Monday. That thing I was referring to in the previous blog about work - they finally announced it so now I can talk about it publicly. Remember when I was talking about my job awhile back and how it had the possibility of ending? Or how about when I started talking to my job as if it were a person (hint: #10)? Well, all that longing has now been brought to an end, as it was announced Tuesday that I was hired on permanently. HOORAY! Do you know what this means? This means the job is permanent and they can never get rid of me. I can work there until I retire and have like...a pension, or something. It's a government job. There's a union involved. They can't get rid of me unless I do something heinous and illegal.

All I know, is that it takes a HUGE weight off of my shoulders. I can check another thing off of my list and move forward. I am so happy. I love my job, and I never want to leave, and now I don't have to!!! It's about fricken time. So here is my new list, with another goal crossed off. Hooray! Hoo-ray.

Pay off credit cards
Marry nice guy
Finish college
Obtain career
Get skinny
Buy house
Have baby

Onto another topic. Speaking of work though - I have become pretty good friends with a coworker of mine. We are both very productive at work, but we take time here and there to talk through email when we don't have time to socialize like normal people. Sometimes these e-mail threads can last half a day and they're hilarious. I may occasionally blog "email memoirs" because some of them are just so worth sharing. This starts out referencing a big white dog that we see when we leave the office on breaks to go for a walk in the residential neighborhood nearby. Actually, it is this dog. Do you or someone you know own this dog? I want to know this dog's name. I want to know if it wears clothing and if it owns a diamond encrusted collar and a Coach purse.


Case in point:

From: Me
To: Co-Worker
Subject: RE: case

I went for a walk. White Dog was MIA. I miss White Dog. And also The Plant. Where is it?!

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: case

[Other co-worker] has The Plant. She keeps forgetting to bring it in.

I may or may not be going to a family friend's Pampered Chef party next Tuesday evening. I don't know if you'd be interested???

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: case

I may be interested as I enjoy Pampered Chef!

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: case

OK, I'll let you know as it gets closer. I think it starts at 6 or 6:30. Don't know how that'll work with your gym. I love it and want to go but it's like shopping when you're broke...only you're shopping for things you really love. It's not like shopping for the perfect jeans. Which is a hate filled experience which always results in self loathing.

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: case

I usually go on Tuesdays around 4pm. So that would work. I suppose it will depend on our finances as well. I hate shopping for jeans. My goal is to one day love shopping for jeans. I want to be that girl that fits into anything.

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: case

Yeah, our finances are pretty iffy too. Normally I stay away from these parties. Maybe I could pick up a Christmas gift for someone else and that would make me feel better. They'll probably have gluten filled food though :(

Jeans are the bane of my existence from like age 12 when I grew hips. My hips must not be proportionate to my height because it's hard to find jeans that aren't too long but still fit my hips and waist. I too want to be the girl that everything fits, but I don't think that's possible. I bet like 95% of the population of women have a hard time with finding clothes that fit well. The other 5% is divided between model twigs and rich people who have their clothing custom made.

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: case

Oh crap, that's right. Lame. Why is gluten in everything. :(

I agree with you about the sizes. I don't think I will ever be that girl either. It is much easier to find cute clothes though when you are a smaller size. So I know that dropping some sizes will make my life a little better. I will enjoy jean shopping again, at least for a while. :)

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: case

Haha, yeah, depends on how soon you get pregnant.

I'm sorry about your gluten allergy. Maybe it'll be something that you can eat very small amounts of certain things??? I hope.

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: case

I hope. I'm just super paranoid about my throat closing up. I have to go to the store tonight and pick up some veggies that I can bring to work and eat. I have hummus and I can have that with carrots and tomatoes. I didn't bring anything today. I have eaten string cheese today and that is all. I'm hungry and I have brown rice and sugar snap peas to look forward to for dinner. Joy is mine to be had. Yay. :[

I bought gluten free ice cream though and it's darn good.

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: case

Yeah, you've got to find filling things to eat now. Go on a mission for gluten free. That'll help you feel better about it. Yeah, don't be afraid to go to the hospital if your throat starts closing up!! Maybe you should go to an allergist so they can test you and then get you an epi pen to carry around. Or re-new your one for bees. It's a terrible feeling and you don't want to have to try to rush yourself to the hospital by waiting too long. I don't want to watch you pass out and then jam an empty pen tube into your throat to get you some air. Not cool.

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: case

Yeah, I don't want that to happen either. Plus, if I am here at work and I have a reaction, who knows what it will look like. I will start gurgling, my face will turn blue, and my lips will puff up....I'll be staggering around moaning trying to get someone to help me. And since [male coworker] has informed me that he'd not hesitate to shoot me in the head in the event that I am bitten by a zombie (to supposedly sustain survival for others), I really don't want to risk being murdered under false pretenses of being a zombie by a trigger-happy coworker.

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: case

I'm sorry, I'm just imagining that happening. I'd rush up but it would be too late and I'd make him feel guilty forever for taking such drastic measures. If I get there in time I'll ask him to shoot a hole through your throat.

From: Me
To: Co-worker
Subject: RE: case

Can you imagine if that happened?! He has my hands tied behind my back and I'm on my knees and he's about to pop a cap into my brain stem at the back of my skull execution style and I'm still moaning and drooling...and [female co-worker] is eating a piece of cheese, watching it unfold....and [Office Person] is making copies.....and you are running at me and him screaming, "No! It's just a gluten allergy! GLUTEN!!!!!"

From: Co-worker
To: Me
Subject: RE: case

I also think it's important for people to remember there are times to blend in with the zombies, like in Shaun of the Dead. If you have no weapons, just start blending in by lurching and stumbling around.

You get the point. There have been better ones and there will continue to be. I guess you have to be there. In any case, I think they are worth sharing. You don't have to read them. :)