sweet november

Post #2 for today. To be fair, I wrote this like a month ago but didn't post it. So here it is now. I need to explain my pregnancy a little bit because I haven't really been super detailed.

I found out on November 17th when I left work nauseous - again - and asked my husband to drive me to Urgent Care. It was really starting to bother me. This had been going on for two weeks. All of these symptoms pointing to pregnancy but no positive pregnancy test. I wrote this on 11/19 with plans to publish it later on after we had told people. We wanted to wait this time because of what happened last time. It's difficult to have to explain to the whole world that you aren't pregnant anymore, so we thought we'd try and wait a bit until we knew things were okay. Being only 8 weeks along...it's still early, and anything can happen. People already know. I don't care. If something awful happens, it just means I'll have that much more support from people. It's going to be okay.

*****

I am writing this on 11/19. I don't plan to publish this until we're several weeks in. I made the mistake of announcing it too early and then we lost the baby at 8 weeks. Announcing it early won't change the outcome, but it will make it easier when I don't have to go and undo it all. Having to tell everyone in the world that I lost the baby was awful. I've been told that there are still people who think I am pregnant. Well, now I am, but it's a different ice climber.

Yes, ice climber. I think it's funny. It's my little ice climber, clinging to the side of my uterus. Weird? Well, everyone calls their unborn baby things like, "bean" or something equally unoriginal. Bet they've never called it an ice climber. Or a dinosaur.

I'll first say that Urgent Care sucks. Next time I should really just be patient and wait until I miss my period. But if you know how I am, I'm really impatient, and it was starting to bother me that I was so sick and had nothing to attribute it to.

The doctor I saw seemed relatively unconcerned. She was very nice, don't get me wrong. But she was also approaching the whole thing in a very scientific way and wasn't listening to me. She started asking me stupid crap about my thyroid and whether it burned when I peed. I was like, "No. As I have said before, the only symptoms I have are the fact that my period did not come, I have been nauseated for 2 weeks now with no relief, my boobs hurt, I have dizzy spells, and my HPT was negative yesterday. That is ALL." I do not have an STD. I do not have an earache. I am not dehydrated. I do not have diarrhea. I do not have anything other than what I just told you.

She asks, "What about sinus drainage? Do you have sinus drainage? Pain? Sore throat? Fever? When did you last have your thyroid checked?" I wanted to punch her in the face. I know they have to ask all kinds of questions but I swear she wasn't even listening to me. What the heck does my thyroid have to do with this? She also asked if I have ever had mono. Yes, when I was 17. What else would you like to know?

So she ordered some blood work - which included a thyroid check - why is this woman so obsessed with my thyroid?! She said she'd call me between 1pm and 2pm that day (it was before noon at the time) and let me know what the results were.

So I went home, in a huff. I was tired and felt like throwing up. I got home and put on my jammies and went to bed. Then I e-mailed some of my friends, complaining.

The doctor called back right at 1pm. She told me that she hoped this would be good news, and that my pregnancy test was positive. She also mentioned that the lab did the Hcg test twice because they wanted to make sure. Apparently it was a very faint positive. She said that she wanted me to "make sure" before I got too excited by following up with another home pregnancy test in a week. I asked her why? I said that I wasn't a doctor but if the hormone shows up, there's a baby in there. She said that there is a chance that it could be a false positive. I'm not going to sit and argue with a doctor but I know that it's not a false positive. False positives are extremely rare, especially with a blood test. And the only way for me to have a false positive would be if I was going through menopause and doing hormone therapy or taking medication with chemicals in it that would give a false positive. I know she's just doing her job, but seriously. She also added that once I meet with my health care provider who will be working with me during my pregnancy, I should mention my thyroid, so they can keep an eye on it. Seriously, what is this woman's obsession with my thyroid?!

Anyway, it's nice to be able to know why I feel so crappy. I made an appointment with a maternity nurse counselor. My first appointment is 12/17. At that point I will have them do lab work and I'll choose my health care provider who will be working with me for the rest of the pregnancy. I'll be going with a midwife again. My pregnancy is not considered high risk simply because I had a prior miscarriage. Hopefully this little ice climber sticks and we'll have a new addition to our family around the end of July.

Out of mere curiosity though, I did pee on a home pregnancy test the very next morning. And, sure enough.


False positive my butt.

So I'm going to tell you what my symptoms were before I found out I was pregnant.

About a week and a half prior to going to the doctor, I noticed that my hair was starting to act weird. It wasn't necessarily thicker, but you know how when (as a girl) you take a shower and you are rinsing the conditioner out of your hair and a bunch of strands of hair always come off? This wasn't happening. I mean, it was, but not like normal. It was just a few rather than a bunch of them. I thought that was weird. I thought maybe it was the new shampoo I was using. I was like, "Sweet, my hair is going to look thicker at this rate." But then it started to get greasy, even if I was washing it every single day. It still is. I washed it last night before I went to bed and when I woke up this morning it looks disgusting and dirty.

Around the same time as the hair stuff, I was EXHAUSTED. Like, mono exhausted. I could not sleep enough. I'd sleep 10 hours and feel like I hadn't slept at all. I could barely keep my eyes open at dinner time. I'd come home early, go to bed at 12, wake up at 6, eat, go back to sleep and sleep for another 11 hours and still be tired. Now, I'm tired still, but I end up waking at like 5am every day even if I don't want to.

I learned a bit about charting your BBT (basal body temperature). You take your temperature immediately upon waking, before you move or do anything. That temperature is your basal (or base) body temperature. When you ovulate, it spikes, and then drops again afterward. All I know, is that if your BBT remains higher after you ovulate and stays that way, you are probably pregnant. I didn't need to take my temperature to know that though. All of a sudden, I'm waking up in the middle of the night sweating like some crazy woman and kicking off the covers. It's almost winter. It is cold in our house, and I have been warm at night. So I started taking my temperature in the mornings before getting up. My normal BBT is 96.0. But it has been consistently 97.33 - 97.79.

Then the nausea. Oh, the nausea! I've had nausea before but I've never had it last an entire day. Day, after day, after day. As I write this I am still nauseous. It started happening around 11am and lasting until 6pm. Then it started earlier, and earlier...and now I have it when I wake up and it doesn't go away until I go to bed at night. I haven't thrown up yet, but that may change.

I have to take my vitamins at night because I am worried they will make me even more nauseous.

I'm also mad that this is going to make me gain weight. So much for Operation Bikini. I'll just have to pick that up after the baby is born. I can still exercise and do other things. I just can't go to spinning or workout like a freak. No lifting heavy things or pushing myself to the point of exhaustion. I don't think anyone wants to be puked on.

Something is wrong with my boobs. I noticed it the other day. Not only are my nipples freakishly dark, but they stick out like I'm some sort of porn star. It's embarrassing and I find myself wearing certain types of clothes to hopefully hide it. I'm not kidding, it's awkward. My boobs have thumbs.

*****

Okay, so that's that. Honestly, not much has changed since then. At all. I'm more nauseated and it rarely lets up. When it does let up, I try to eat something good before it sets in again, because once it comes back, all bets are off. There is no eating.

My cravings have been funny. At the moment, things that I can't seem to get enough of (when I'm not feeling sick):

Nutella
Quesadillas from The Green Mill (This yummy restaurant here in town)
S'more Pop Tarts
Mashed potatoes
Chocolate malt milkshakes
Thick cut french fries
Hot cocoa

I don't have much for food aversions. Even meat isn't bothering me right now which is weird because usually it does. Vegetables really don't sound good to me though. Fruit is fine but I could really take it or leave it. Ginger ale is good, but only Canada Dry. Schweppes isn't good to me anymore, which is weird because it used to be my favorite. Now it's too sweet.

I don't sleep well. I'm not drinking enough water. I'm not going to the gym lately because I am nauseous all the time and the slightest thing will set me off. I find it's safer to remain motionless until this part of my pregnancy passes. Sucks.

My hair is LONG. It just keeps growing. I'm really moody. I cry a lot. I also worry about everything. I'm trying not to.

I said this in my previous post....but I really need a milkshake.