Fierce.

Since we've covered our living room floor with a huge area rug, my cat has taken it upon herself to go under it. I don't know how and I don't know why. I just know that it's funny.

I did an hour on the elliptical tonight while watching the latest episode of Jerseylicious. If you haven't seen it yet, just know that Olivia had a catastrophic meltdown at the plastic surgeon's office and opted NOT to get a boob job.

I'm a college educated woman with a government job and I make legal decisions that affect people. But I wear purple and white striped underwear that says "SURE THING" in silver letters on the butt and I know more about what's going on with the lives of the employees at the Gatsby Salon than I do about what is going on in politics. For example, I can't recall who was recently elected as our new governor. This realization makes me feel extremely ashamed and I should probably start reading the newspaper or something. I watch the news sometimes, but I don't pay attention. The only thing I can remember recently is that our new weather guy looks like MacGruber. He really REALLY does. I've talked about this before, I know, but I can't seem to get past it.

Oh, remember when I started to grow a pineapple? Look at it now. Amazing. This is the very same one that I planted back in May! And to think that this pineapple came from Sam's Club and cost me like $2.00. I don't even remember what we did with the actual pineapple. It wasn't the one I made cake out of. I think my husband ate it all. But we kept the crown, and now we have a bona fide house plant that will someday give us baby pineapples. I'm so excited!!!!


Something amazing happened to me at work today but I can't talk about it yet. I know this intrigues you and affects YOUR life in a major way. Oh...it doesn't? Hmm. Well I know that the lives of the employees at the Gatsby Salon do!! Oh...that doesn't either? Well, we can't be friends then.

I've decided to embark on a research project that I have never done before. I've been thinking a lot about zombies lately. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I started watching The Walking Dead on AMC. Or maybe because I seem to be surrounded by people who talk about them a lot. Or maybe I just really need a life. Either way, I'm afraid of zombies, so I have decided to learn more about them in an effort to understand and accept them.

Kind of like I attempted to do with mullets when I was in college. If you study a subject in its natural habitat long enough, you learn to understand it and respect it. Kind of like bears or cheetahs. In college, I spent a great amount of time photographing mullets in their natural environment. I learned that many of them DO like Nascar and most prefer Budweiser to Miller products. Many of them are truck drivers. And most of them like country music or rock music. I was not able to find a mullet that enjoyed R&B or jazz. Not all of them smoke, but a lot of them chew tobacco. None of them have had braces. Sadly, I didn't learn things that I didn't already know. Much of these ring true, and can be found in doing your own research, but I'll include some information in an effort to broaden your horizons just in case.

The Shoplifting Decoy (the kid mullet):

Mulletologists originally thought this mullet to be a form of punishment for children who disobeyed their parents. Further study, though, has revealed that it is actually cruel abuse of a child for parental gain. Because of the heinous appearance of this mullet, parents are able to divert the attention of store owners when they are out and about, giving them enough time to steal a few cartons of Virginia Slims, some Beast Ice, and a Nascar magazine.


That Guy (as mutated from the 1980s):

This gets its name from the reaction when you see it..."Who is that guy?" This is usually accompanied by a Wyatt Earp mustache.


The Canadian Passport:

This breed is not indigenous to the United States. It has migrated down from Canada with the invasion of the NHL.


The Femullet:

This is a male version of a mullet on a woman. These women are usually loud and obnoxious and can be found at the local tavern at 2:00 in the afternoon. Usually because they work third shift at a factory, or they recently became unemployed. These women deserve respect. They are good at pool and can probably beat up a man twice their size.


The Businessman's Safety Cut:

This guy thinks he can go for a classic all-American cut on top and still get away with having long hair in the back. Sadly, he is mistaken. This guy wears denim shirts and Reebok hightops. He also may have a molestache.


The Rastlin' Mullet:

These mullets are some of the most influential in the world. Broadcast into homes almost every night of the week, this guy has gained popularity across the world. This is responsible for many mullets on children between the ages of 5 and 13 and has a profound influence on femullets in their mid-40s.


Viva Las Vegas:

This is a product of the entertainment industry in Las Vegas, Nevada. I lived there for a short period of time and encountered many of these in every area - the grocery store, the tanning salon, the gas station, and many a casino. Once known for gambling and prostitution, Las Vegas is fast becoming the City of Mullets. Many Vegas magicians feel that having such mullet is necessary for success.


There you have it. I am sure there are many more, as you can probably find out on your own. I found these pictures on the internet and may or may not have plagiarized some of this information from other websites. In any case, do with this information what you will. I know at least one person reading this has gained some knowledge, and knowledge is power. If I can help just one person, then I have fulfilled my purpose.

Now I'm off to watch the premier of Conan, which I've missed half of already. Anticipate hearing about my zombie research in the near future. Because these things matter.