cats are like women.

They hold grudges. Most of them anyway. Unlike dogs, who tend to forget that you yelled at them and are fine 10 minutes later.

I've heard men be referred to as dogs as a means of insulting them. Really? That's stupid. That's a really horrible comparison. Dogs are wonderful. They are loyal, they let things go, they don't hold grudges, and all they want to do is play. They will always protect you, they love when you feed them, and no matter what you do, they will keep you on a pedestal. So if you are going to do that, you're paying them a compliment.

Except for my dog, Max. Not only will he not eat his food unless you give him cheese, but it has to be a specific brand of cheese. And he doesn't listen, and he talks back.


Previously I discussed my friend's cat, Kingsley, and how he left an oversized dump on our chair.


It wasn't directed toward us - no, it had nothing to do with us. It was because he was angry with his owner. A married couple who my husband and I are friends with were over visiting, and they brought Kingsley along. Why couldn't he be included in the visit? He's a great cat and he likes to visit and run around our house. He was naughty though, so my friend's husband put him in the basement to punish him and have him think about his behavior. While down there, he decided he was going to show his owner what he thought of the idea, and he crapped on our chair. I think the reason he did that was two-fold.

1.) His owner had previously sat there (I think - that is the Man chair) so he wanted to make sure his owner knew that this pile was just for him.

2.) It was a white leather chair. Easy to see the poop, but also easy to clean up. Why destroy the carpet or cloth furniture that belonged to people who meant him no harm?

So Kingsley was in more trouble. Apparently though, Kingsley felt as though he did not get his point across. I have been informed that he has subsequently urinated on his owner's jacket/hooded sweatshirt. The cat is angry. Angry that he was locked in the basement, and he wants vengeance.


So what do you do when your cat holds a grudge? Well, there isn't much you can do other than remind him how much you do love him and try to come to some sort of an understanding. Cats will eventually let it go, but in their own time.

Like women.

I'm sorry to say, but us women are really bad people. I don't know why. Maybe it is because we feel as though we are owed special treatment because we have to deal with more hardships than men do. And it's true.

Men don't have to get their periods. That in itself can't even be explained fully, because unless you've had to deal with it, you won't get it. It isn't just a few days. It's half of your month. The week before, you hate life and feel awful, and the week of you hate life and feel awful. Then, the week AFTER, you're fertile, so unless you want to get pregnant, you have to avoid sex altogether for an entire week. That leaves you ONE week of joy each month. So we're really only happy for a total of one week per month. That's 12 weeks per year, or 3 months total. That leaves 9 months out of the year when we're angry. For some women, they are pregnant during these 9 months. Which leads to my next point.

Men don't have to bear children. Men don't have to get their stomach or other areas all stretched out over the course of 9 months. They don't have to worry about their feet swelling. I don't think I have to go into any more detail on that.

Men can go running without wearing a sports bra.

Men don't have to wear a bra at all. Maybe some SHOULD, but that's another topic in itself.

Men don't have to wear shirts.

Men don't have to sit down to pee.

Men aren't expected to know how to cook. You know, some women are terrible cooks. Not me, but some. What? You're upset because you're expected to know how to fix a car? Well that's your fault. You men go on and on about cars, so you've made us think over the years that you're an expert at working on cars and fixing things. Your fault.

Look, if you're a guy - I'm not saying that you will never be able to do the right thing. I'm just saying that you need to tread lightly and admit it when you're wrong. And if you're wrong all the time, just admit it. Because you probably are. Now, we won't go and pee on your favorite shirt. We will, however, not speak to you, or purposely do things or ask you questions in which whatever you do or say will be incorrect, thus sparking an argument that you have already lost even before you are aware of what is happening. And I'm sorry for this. I apologize on behalf of women everywhere. Unfortunately, I can't change things. But I am sorry.

My husband once brought up a good point. He said, "I understand that you have to deal with all of these things (as I mentioned above), but did you ever stop to think that it's hard for me as well because I have to deal with your unhappiness over these things??"

My answer to him and to other men who may have that same thought: Yes, I know. You have to deal with the aftermath. If that's hard, imagine how hard it is for us who have to deal with it first hand. But I do give you credit for the part about having to deal with us when we're unhappy; however, you really don't have to. You are choosing to. If you are referring to your wife - you married her knowing full well what she was like. And if you didn't know beforehand and you think that she turned into a monster after you signed the marriage license, then that's also your fault. You made your bed and now you must sleep in it.

I know this sounds really harsh, and I have purposely made it that way for all intents and purposes of making my friends laugh. All jokes aside - I will give men credit. You do a lot for us and we appreciate it. I honestly don't know what I'd do without my husband. I really can't imagine not having him here with me. I would be a total wreck, and I would have nobody to make my life easier when I'm unhappy. I'd have to do it all myself, and that's just something that I can't think about right now.

Maybe it started with Adam and Eve. The ONE time in history a husband decided to listen to his wife, the entire world spiraled out of control and we continue to pay for this today. But then he goes and blames her. Dude, you didn't have to eat the apple. You didn't have to eat it! You are blaming her for something that you did wrong! What? You would have been wrong for not listening to her? So no matter what you chose to do it would have been wrong? I'm starting to think that if the first man didn't get it, that no man will get it. Maybe it's a lost cause.

I'm sorry, but I feel like this same type of argument continues to happen and has been happening since the beginning of time. Literally. Just accept the fact that nothing you do will be right, say you were wrong, and move forward in trying to fix it. There's so much blame that continues to be passed back and forth, and for what? Nothing is resolved.

Someone has to do the right thing and take responsibility and admit that they are wrong, and it might as well be you. :)

Don't be mad. Look! It's Kingsley, in many boxes!