back to work.

So... I went back to work today. It wasn't as bad as I thought. Not that my job is bad, but being gone for 12 weeks makes it difficult to just jump right back into something and remember how to do everything.

I'm glad to be back, but it's hard to focus when my mind keeps wandering and thinking about Sofie and wondering how she is doing....wondering if she is okay. But if she wasn't okay, the daycare would call me. So I need to just stop worrying. But I miss her cute face. The best part of my day is when work is over and I get to go and pick her up from daycare. I get really excited to pick her up. I get butterflies in my stomach because I get so excited, and my heart skips a beat when I see her. I wish I could just stay home with her and collect a salary. That would be great. Oh well.

This weekend, Husband has to go out of town for some military stuff, so baby and I are going to have lots of mommy/baby time. Maybe if it's nice out, we'll go for a walk. We'll probably end up staying at my mom and dad's because I feel weird being overnight alone with her. I just like to have someone around in case I need help. I realize that there are parents out there who do it alone, but since I have the option of having some help, I like to have help. And my parents just love it when the baby is over at their house.

Nana gets to have Sofie on Fridays, and I'm really happy about that. If Sofie could talk, she would say she's excited, too. Sofie loves her Nana. :)

that parent

Sofia likes her bath. I like giving her baths. Here are pictures from last night. I can't pick a favorite, so here are all 12.













The other day when I went to the clinic for my 6-week follow-up, I stopped at the coffee shop in the lobby to get a hot cocoa. The lady asked how I was doing. I told her I was fine, but that I had just taken my baby to daycare that day for the first time. She asked how old my baby was. I told her. Then I proceeded to show her pictures in my phone of Sofia. The lady responded with, "Oh, cute."

Today when I was shopping for clothes (since I'm too small for my maternity clothes but still too fat for my regular clothes), the cashier asked what my new baby's name was (she knew I had just had a baby because I was talking to her about why I was there shopping for clothes). I told her, and then almost pulled out my phone to show her a picture. I stopped myself. I realize that I have become "that parent" who wants to show everyone, even strangers, pictures of her kid. People who will politely say, "oh, cute," but really won't care, and will secretly hope you will stop showing them pictures of your baby who they don't know and don't care about.

Oops.

The other day, I went to the grocery store. When I got back in the car, I noticed that I had messy hair and dried spit-up on my shoulder.

I'm "that parent" who looks like a slob and is too tired to care.

When I was putting Sofia's car seat in the back of my SUV the other day, I saw some sort of new minivan drive by. I actually thought to myself, "This would be easier if I had a minivan."

I'm not going to do it.

true colors

It's a fact that you figure out who your true friends are once you have had a baby.

People who attack you and try to make you feel bad because you haven't called or kept in touch are not real friends. If they were, they would know that you are most likely very busy with your newborn. They would give you a break rather than send you harassing messages over Facebook accusing you of being selfish and not putting effort into the friendship. Those people have no lives whatsoever, which is obvious, since they are staying up until all hours of the night losing sleep while sending you these messages. Normal people sleep at that time, unless you are a new mom and happen to be up feeding your baby. I don't have time for those people.

People who seem to find a way to negatively respond to every positive thing you say or do are not your friends. Putting a smiley face after your comment doesn't mean what you are saying is nice. Do you know what it means to be passive aggressive? It's a devious, diabolical way of conveying your anger, disappointment, or hurt to someone without actually speaking to them about it. Your feelings may be acted out by the way you treat them and also by talking to other people about the person. It's unfortunate that I have "friends" like this, and I don't know why I bother to keep them in my life. Lately, I am reminded more and more that I just need to downsize the people in my life and only leave room for the people who are going to add something positive. It's difficult to do that though. It has gotten to the point where I don't know how to go about it anymore. But I can't have toxic people in my life anymore. I can't have people in my life that make me feel bad all the time. It's emotionally draining, and I have a baby to take care of, and she deserves my energy. Not these people who obviously have no regard for my feelings.

People don't mature with age. I'm learning that. Some people will always be spiteful and immature and petty. I need to just be the one to make the decision not to let it affect me any longer. It's easier said than done. I've gotten rid of one person today. I am hoping that helps a little and I am hoping she leaves me alone. I said some mean things. I'm not entirely proud of it, but she deserved it. That's when you know the person is toxic.... when they bring out the worst in you.

And stop comparing my daughter to your stupid dog. My baby's name is Sofia. I call her Sofie for short. I don't give two shits if your dog is "your baby" and your dog's name is Sophie. Stop comparing your stupid dog to my child whenever I post pictures or talk about something new that my baby is doing. And stop joking about how I must have named my baby after your dog. You are stupid and every time you open your mouth I want to hurt you a little more.