rut

First off....sorry if the previous blog post offended you.

1.) It was not all coming from my head. I referenced where some of that came from.
2.) It wasn't meant to be negative. It was meant to be sarcastic and funny.

Okay. :)

Moving on...on a more serious note.....I think I'm getting depressed. Really. I don't know if it's hormonal (it probably is) or if it's the weather (it probably also is)....but I'm really feeling unhappy and gloomy lately, and nothing cheers me up. I'm pretty sure it's due to the above two things, but I'm seriously in a huge rut. I feel like a mini vacation would make it better, but I don't want to go to some stupid place like some indoor waterpark. I want to go AWAY somewhere warm. About this time of year is when Jason and I start planning something and now we can't, for obvious reasons. And I'm really depressed about it. I tried suggesting something to my mom, that maybe we can get away for a girl's weekend and go to San Fran and visit family. It really wouldn't be that expensive. Her response? "Eh, no...I have plans in March to go to Portland with my friends." And it's not like I can be mad or anything. It's not like she owes it to me to plan a vacation with me. I just figured she'd want to. It came as a shock to me. I've now come to the realization that my mom does her own thing now, and I pretty much am not included anymore. And that's okay. She deserves that, I mean, it's her time now to do that stuff. I'm just sad. I'm upset that Husband gets to go to Florida in April and Puerto Rico in May while I get to sit here and rot in the cold while my belly gets bigger. All I want is a weekend. Three days somewhere warm. Not 3 hours north of here either. An actual place with salt water and sunlight.

I'm depressed and I feel like nobody around me cares, and everyone else gets to be happy about everything they have going on. People make suggestions and I like to believe that they are honestly trying to be helpful but I feel as though they are just undermining how I feel. I don't want to stay in a hotel an hour from here. I don't see how that would help. Look, I'm the one who has to be stuck at home while growing a baby and then I get to pop it out of my vagina and be tied down for the next who knows how many years. I'm sick of it already and it hasn't even happened yet, and sometimes I question why I even wanted to get pregnant. I'm sure I'll feel differently, but right now I'm just upset at everyone. And I feel like nobody understands how I'm feeling or why I'm feeling this way.

I don't even know. And that makes it even worse. :(