don't do that.

Hey, lab assistant. Do me a favor. Don't dig around in my arm with a needle. If you "aren't sure" the vein is there, don't poke me hoping something will happen, and then literally dig around with the needle. Do you KNOW how much that hurts?

I had to have some blood drawn today. The midwife wants to have my thyroid checked. I guess the Urgent Care doctor may not have been so wrong. Remember the obsession with my thyroid?

Well, it's SLIGHTLY high. As in, normal would be 12 and mine was at 12.75. Don't ask me what any of that means. In dumb translation, they can give me some medication to balance it out, and as a result my metabolism will speed up, I'll feel better and have more energy, and probably lose weight. Heck yes. Would have been nice if they had done this years ago. I may never have had to graduate to double digit sizes. So, we will see. I'm hoping for something. Anything to improve me and my quest for hotness. Pregnant or not.

Also, stop commenting on my sleep or lack of. Sometimes I complain about how I'm not sleeping well. People respond with, "Better get used to it!" or, "Enjoy the sleep you do get, because that won't last long!" Or sometimes, "You better sleep now because once that baby gets here...." Why? Do babies not sleep?! Next you'll be telling me that they poop too! OMG!! Whatever, sleep is for ugly people. That's what I'd like to say, but I don't.

Here's another thing you shouldn't do. Don't comment on a pregnant woman's size (large or small) unless you know for a FACT that she won't take it the wrong way. This pretty much eliminates your permission to do this unless it's your BFF or yourself. Get it? That being said, I want to share some wonderfully funny things that I found on another blog, pregnantchicken.com. Also the place that I lifted some funny pregnancy photos from not too long ago.

Don't say these things unless you will enjoy the following responses.

"You're huge!"

• I know!! It's like I'm growing a whole baby or something!
• Holy crap, you too!
• I don't know why either, all I consume these days is cocaine and Diet Sprite. Weird, huh?

"Don't you know what causes that?"

• Public pools, right?
• Yes, having sex.
• Why are you asking? Can't you remember?

"How many more babies are you going to have?"

• It depends on how many we sell.
• We plan to keep going until we have an ugly one.
  

"You're not going to find out the sex? But don't you want to know? It would... drive me crazy!"

• It wouldn't matter anyway because we're naming it Thermos the Third whether it's a boy OR a girl.
• I'm kind of hoping it's neither and it's just gas.
  

‎"Should you be eating that?"

• No, I should be eating lots of it.
  

"Feeling fat yet?"

• Whoa, I was just going to ask you the same thing. How weird is that?!

“You still haven’t had that baby yet?”

• I'm trying to hold it in so I can finish a novel I'm working on.
• Oh, I had it, I just left it in the car today.
• Don’t worry; you will know when your husband starts paying child support.

"Was this an accident?"

• Were you?
• Yes! I tripped and fell on a weiner.
  

"You're so small!"

• A really heavy person said that to me yesterday too. I guess it's all relative.

And on another note, this girl had some good things to say regarding miscarriage. As someone who has lost a baby (not too long ago either), I can totally relate. Don't say these things to someone if they miscarried. I mean seriously, what is the matter with people? You think you're helping and you're not.

It wasn't meant to be. It doesn't cut it when they are out of your shoe size and it sure doesn't cut it when you've lost a baby.

It was God's plan. Some people find comfort in this statement. I, despite being a church going lady, do not. Why? Because it's not fricken in God's plan for people to lose people they love, least of all babies who never got a chance to live. It's not God's plan. It was never God's plan.

You can have more. Thanks, that helps a lot. Like when you go to Culver's and they only give you half of an order of cheese curds even though you ordered a whole order. You can get more. Because that's the same kind of thing, you know.

It was probably from all your _______ (stress, jumping, eating, breathing, etc). More than one person actually said this to me, in different ways. One person said something along the lines of, "You should have been resting more!!" Yes, because that's why I lost my baby. I wasn't sleeping/resting enough, despite the fact that I was sleeping all the time. You see, you are right. I was actually playing ice hockey and rugby and participating in competitive rock wall climbing. Anyone who blames you for losing your baby deserves a swift kick in the tooth.

At least you have your other children. Okay. Don't worry about the fact that your ear just fell off. You have another one.

This isn't bad, so-and-so had three miscarriages. Yes, correct. The fact that so-and-so had this happen to her more than once reminds me that I shouldn't feel bad that it happened to me. I'm not allowed to be sad, I feel much better now! Thank you!

At least you weren't that far along. If I won the lottery, I would have it mentally spent in about 20 minutes. These couples have had weeks, if not months, to think about a baby that isn't going to happen now. Saying something like that is just undermining their loss.

And finally, one more thing (on a much lighter note). Don't tell me that I'm not going to win the lottery. No, in fact - DO tell me that. Because the more you tell me that, the more regret and embarrassment you will feel when I finally do win the Powerball and don't buy you anything.

HA!