sigh.

I cried at work today while eating a banana. I don't even know why. I was telling Jessie about how I'm really hormonal lately and emotional, and how I keep screwing up and saying the wrong thing and offending people. I offended her. She was telling me about something with work and my response basically sounded like I was telling her that the way she does her job is stupid. Which is totally not what I meant to say at all. And then this morning, I said something to Husband that came out wrong and I hurt his feelings. I feel like a bad friend and a bad wife. Or I am taking things the wrong way and getting more upset than I need to. As I was explaining all of this to her while eating a banana, I started to cry.

I feel okay now. Maybe because I ate pasta. Not like that changes things, but pasta with pesto is really good. I made too much though, so now I'm not sure what to do. Maybe I'll cry about that too.

Jessie has a sweet BPA-free water bottle with a built-in straw that she got from Target. I wanted one too, so I went after work to get one, and they didn't have anymore. They only had the kind that was huge. Hers was like, a 24-ounce and the only one they had was a 32-ounce. They also only had blue and not pink. I almost started to cry. But I really wanted a BPA-free water bottle with a built-in straw because I need to drink more water, and I will drink more if I get to use a straw. So, I got it, but it's huge and has a handle and looks more like some sort of manly jug and it's blue. I almost cried.

But then I found Ben & Jerry's Mud Pie ice cream, and decided to buy it. I haven't really been craving sweets at all, believe it or not. How weird is that. And I'm not craving this ice cream. But it looked good, so I bought it for a time when I will need it. Because sometimes people need things like that.

Husband went to buy a lottery ticket tonight. The jackpot is something around $300 million. I'm positive we will win. You know, because it's highly likely, of course. Then maybe we can go on a babymoon before the baby is born. I wish we were people who could do that. I wish that Husband was done with school so we could be a dual income household and be able to go on a vacation once in a while. If we were, we'd go to Hawaii. I'd use two weeks of vacation and we'd go to Hawaii and go to the Dole plantation so I could have some pineapple ice cream. We'd go see Volcano National Park. We'd go to the beach. I'd dig a hole in the sand so I could lay on my stomach. We'd eat guava and lychees from a tree. We'd watch the sunset and kiss each other. But we aren't those people, so we won't be doing that, and all I have is pineapple from a can and Galapagos on DVD. And I have to watch it in the basement. Also, I haven't felt the sun in ages. I live in the Arctic, and it's not even fun, because there are no penguins, moose, or polar bears. I'm wearing socks that have polar bears on it. That's the closest I'll come to anything.

Husband is all pumped because he received a free 10-day trial of Cataclysm from Blizzard. He likes World of Warcraft but rarely plays it, because he's in school, and just doesn't have time (nor do we have the extra money to be spending right now). But now he has this free trial. He wolfed down his pasta and bolted upstairs. I hear him killing monsters. I'm downstairs. I am lonely, cold, and lacking things.